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February 28 -
Willie Nelson sings about it, "There's a little old fashioned justice goin' down, a little old fashioned karma comin' round..."
FEC just hit Bob Perry's "Progress for America" with the third-highest fine in FEC history - $750,000.
     That's $750,000 Bob Perry can't use to spread lies. 
     That's worth a smile today.

February 28 - There’s big news in the political kickback boondoggle we amusingly call “campaign contributions.”
     Most of you remember the oddity of several of our county commissioners taking contributions from embattled PBS&J, a Florida engineering company that was found to be overcharging taxpayers for government contracts.
     Amusingly, PBS&J also claimed to give some of our county commissioners political contributions that the commissioners didn’t report on their required contribution reports.  Commissioners claim they never got the money

      However, at least three commissioners admit receiving money from the PBS&J PAC in July of last year – County Judge Bob Hebert $2,500; Commissioner Andy Meyers $2,000; and Commissioner Tom Stavinoha $800.
      Recent reports out of Florida indicate that the PBS&J PAC was a sham, at corporate, employee and customer expense. 

Licata opened secret bank accounts and created what auditors describe as a phantom political action committee, "PBSJ PAC." The signatory on the secret accounts was DeLoach, who over two years transferred in millions of dollars from the medical benefits account.

     Our commissioners list “PBSJ PAC” as the donor of the hunks ’o cash they received. That, for the deaf, dumb, and blind, would be the same PAC that was illegal. 
     And later on in the same story --- 

In addition to bilking their fellow employees, DeLoach, Garcia and Licata embezzled from clients, including Florida taxpayers. To make up what they were taking out the back door, they created bogus expenses and billed them to clients using general and administrative (G&A) accounts, which charge for project management, administration and overhead. Their manipulation of G&A accounts inflated overhead rates for government contracts.

      If our county commissioners don’t pony-up those donations and return them quicker than a hiccup, they better know it will be a campaign issue bigger than their greedy egos.   

The biggest question mark that remains for PBS&J, its employees and clients is an ongoing FBI investigation into illegal campaign contributions at the firm that was sparked by the embezzlement probe.

      So, the investigation is ongoing. 
     Lookie, lookie, Mr. FBI person, lookie over here: I have all the reports, going back years. 

February 27 - Another rightwing Republican male bites the dust. 
     Jon Matthews, former conservative Houston talk show host and the former ying to my yang in the local newspaper, could certainly talk the talk - especially about Bill Clinton - but he could not walk the walk. 

RICHMOND — Former radio talk show host Jon Matthews was ordered to spend three years in prison after a Fort Bend County judge this morning revoked his probation.

Matthews, 61, left the courtroom of state District Judge Brady Elliott after agreeing to a three-year sentence on a charge of indecency with a child.

The state claimed Matthews violated several terms of the probation he received two and half years ago after he pleaded guilty to exposing himself to an 11-year-old girl. Matthews did not dispute the claims made in court this morning.

     Jon Matthews and I went to work at the newspaper on the same exact day in June of 1997. My first article was about Sheriff Milton Wright putting his name on the county’s patrol cars, which caused me to end up on the local Fox News.  Fox News agreed with me, and I still haven’t been able to live that down.
     I don’t remember what Jon’s first article was about, but probably about how Democrats are all Satan-worshipping spawn of evil who want to take all of his money and spend it on little hungry children who should not have been born to bad parents if they wanted to eat. 
     Matthews quit working at the newspaper in November of 2003, for reasons that seem to pester many rightwing men.  I remained on until much after that, but I did not comment about the Matthews case because I write semi-funny stuff and there’s nothing funny about what Jon did.  Nothing.

     Now he just becomes another in a long list of exposed Republican big-name men.  We're up to three this month alone.

Hi Susan,

I enjoyed your post about Jon Matthews and his Ying.  Are you sure you never saw it?  Why are the repressed republicans so sick?


February 27 - If they don’t kill us in a unwarranted war, or by vetoing stem cell research, or by not following the recommendations of the 9-11 Commission, or by refusing to admit that maybe there’s a problem with the weather we might can help fix, or by insuring that every drug dealer and nut case out there has an assault rifle, or by letting the pharmaceutical companies rip off Grandma for her heart medicine, or by cutting funding for health care for children who are not poor by choice, or by …. GOOD GRIEF, the Republicans will not be happy until we’re all dead.
     Now they’re trying to poison us all.
     I hate to say I told you so, but …. Well, that’s not true.  I really enjoy saying I told you so. 

The federal agency that’s been front and center in warning the public about tainted spinach and contaminated peanut butter is conducting just half the food safety inspections it did three years ago.

The cuts by the Food and Drug Administration come despite a barrage of high-profile food recalls.

“We have a food safety crisis on the horizon,” said Michael Doyle, director of the Center for Food Safety at the University of Georgia.

     Every time you open a can of beans anymore, it’s like walking into a lion’s cage with pork chops in your pockets.  It ain’t safe.
     And to make their point, there’s been another recall.   

Kraft Foods Inc. on Friday recalled all packages of Oscar Mayer/Louis Rich chicken breast strips and cuts, expanding the scope of a Feb. 18 recall that resulted when tests found signs of possible contamination.

The initial recall was by Carolina Culinary Foods, a supplier for Kraft, and occurred last Sunday after Georgia Department of Agriculture food scientists found Listeria monocytogenes in a sample. That type of contamination can cause listeriosis, which is uncommon but potentially fatal.

     I mean, listeriosis doesn’t even sound good.  I bet you would not let me set you up on a blind date with a guy I describe as, “very nice and easy on the eyes, and except for that middlin’ case of listeriosis, he’s a bucket of fun.”  You wouldn’t go, would you?  See?  I know it’s not, but it sounds contagious. 
     Thanks for the heads-up on the story, Deb! 

UPDATE:  Is every-stinkin'-body in the Bush administration corrupt?

A judge on Tuesday sentenced former Food and Drug Administration chief Lester Crawford to three years' supervised probation with fines of roughly $90,000 for lying about stocks he owned in companies regulated by his agency.

     If this guy owned stock in peanut butter, he's mine.  No, seriously, I'll whine him to death.

February 26 - Does anyone know if Commissioner Andy Meyers was in Lubbock last week

A troupe of Chippendales dancers won't face criminal charges for the "pelvic thrusts" that got them thrown in jail for a night.

Police shut down a sold-out show at Jake's Sports Cafe on Feb. 16, saying … the dancers were accused of performing a sexually oriented show without the proper permits.

     Looks like it’s time for Nookie’s Bakery to open a franchise in Lubbock. 
     From what I’ve seen of Lubbock cops, this was jealousy pure and simple.  Most Lubbock cops haven’t seen their pelvis in twenty years and couldn't thrust it with a forklift and and a backhoe. 

February 26 - I knew it.  I just knew it.
     Sugar Land Mayor and Congressman Wannbe David Wallace is a soccer fan.   

A self-described "big soccer fan," Wallace said he is interested in the city continuing its talks with the Dynamo. 

     Yes, Sugar Land is considering spending tax money to build a home for the Dynamoes – Houston’s professional soccer team. 
     Tax and Waste Republicans think there’s no end to how much they can spend – just as long as it includes cement and high-paying jobs for their friends.  Just think how many government contracts they could skim campaign donations from with a project this size! 
     At least they’re recognizing that there’s more than a tad of downside to a project like this --- 

A potential site for a stadium could be on 52 acres along the Brazos River that is the near the University of Houston System at Sugar Land, City Councilman Michael Schiff said.

"Obviously, we could do some sort of a venue there," Schiff said. "We have the space for it. That would be probably the only clearly identifiable area that could even be considered because you have issues of traffic, congestion, noise, security and all sorts of things related to a stadium."

     Let me tell you the difference between the Tax and Waste Republican Mayor of Sugar Land and the Democratic Mayor of Stafford, Leonard Scarcella.
     If Leonard Scarcella was negotiating with this team, he’d have them convinced that they should pay the city for the stadium and like writing the check. 

February 25 - Those with good memory machines on their shoulders will recall that the Fort Bend Republican Party had nasty boy Dick Morris as their speaker at the Lincoln Day Dinner last year.
     Nice choice, guys.
     We know what he didn't do with all the money you had to give him to grace you with his presence .... he didn't pay his taxes.

Then there is high-profile individuals like political consultant and Fox News contributor Dick Morris. Morris owes over $280,000 and has been on the state's list of tax delinquents for years.

     I guess that's one way to get a tax cut - just don't pay them. 
     And Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace paid $15,000 for the honor of introducing him.  Don't tell Shelley!  Okay, do tell Shelley. 

February 24 - You knew it had to happen.  Wikipedia has been declared a wicked anti-Christian socialist website by these guys. 

Conservapedia is a much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American. On Wikipedia, many of the dates are provided in the anti-Christian "C.E." instead of "A.D.", which Conservapedia uses. 

     When Deb fist sent me this link, I thought it was a joke being played by some creative liberal college kids.  But, apparently, it’s serious as a heart transplant. 
     I perused the site and found no listings for the following terms: Sermon on the Mount, beatitudes, or greed. Meanwhile wiki, has all of those:  Sermon an the Mount, beatitudes, greed.
     Hummmm ….
     And, just to be nice, wiki also has an explanation of Common Era
     There’s a war going on.  Believe it or not, we’re having problems with clear air.  Global warming is a fact.  Children are turned into killing machines in Africa.  Hugo Chavez is being a very scary man.  But, somewhere, somebody is all in a twit over AD and CE.
     Kinda gets you in gut, doesn’t it?

Hi Susan, 

Quite a fan of your site.  Frequently makes me glad I live up here in the People's Republic of Cambridge, but always a good read.   

The concept certainly isn't a joke (it seems to be run by (son-of-Phyllis) Andrew Schlafly), but there's been quite an infiltration by snarky liberals of all stripes.  Check out the definition of patriotism that one of them has put up (unchallenged): 

Patriotism, or love of country, is the highest American virtue. Patriotism means unquestioning obedience and loyalty to the Leader of the country. The opposite of patriotism, treason, is the act of questioning, criticizing or voting against the Leader.

Patriotism comes from the Latin. An ancient Latino poet wrote "Dulce et decorum est pro Patria mori", which means "It is sweet and decorative for patriots to die"[1].

(I know this is snark, as the person who put it up commented about it at Pharyngula). 

Unfortunately, they're not allowing new user registration at the moment, so I haven't been able to get in on the fun, but it's quite entertaining to click on the "random page" link and try to separate the satirists from those who genuinely believe this stuff. 




February 23 - Bubba got his picture taken with Obama last night in the big city, so he's all "wooo-woo, don't tell Momma, but I'm for Obama" today.
     Bottom line for me?  I'm for anyone who will remind these danged fool Republicans that this country belongs to all of us.
     And Obama seems to say that pretty loudly.  Good on him.

February 23 - Community narcissism.  It's a harsh but apt term for how our elected officials stay elected while blind to the needs of the community

Dr. Richard Murray, a political scientist at the University of Houston, says Fort Bend County needs strong political leadership to confront the scarcely discussed issues of poverty and homelessness. "It will be a painful transition," Murray says. "Sugar Land and other cities are going to have to deal with a wider range of problems than where to put the Mercedes dealership."

      Poverty and homelessness in Fort Bend County.  We just don't talk about it.  If you live here, read the article.  It's time to talk about it.

February 22 - Okay, so I have a better idea than the proposed demonstration against them .....

A Republican student group in New York has sparked claims of racism by organising a game called "Find the Illegal Immigrant".

Students will act as immigration officers in Thursday's game and try to find a student in a crowd designated with a badge as the illegal immigrant.

The game has sparked protests from other students with hundreds planning to demonstrate against it.

The New York University College Republican club denied it was racist.

     They are young Republicans.  Bring enlistment papers and a boatload of Marine recruiters. They'll clear the place out faster than double geared lightening. Heck, those little chickenpoops would be running away so fast it'd take them half an hour to draw to a halt. 
     Do I have to do all the darned thinking around here?

Hi Susan,

The Young Repugnicans up here at the Pennsylvania Snake University (where they teach 'em how to slither) tried to play that game last April and Howard Dean called out Ken Mehlman on that fact that the Repugnican National Comedy was funding an intern playing the same stunt in September at the Michiganders' school (where they presumably teach 'em how to get around however it is that a Michigander locomotes itself -- imagine a wolverine with goose feet and wings then put it in the foreground of a Mark Trail comic strip with a talk bubble coming from its backside but, as usual, I digress). You would think that with all the talk about honor an patriotism that one or two of them would be ashamed of themselves but of course, in order for that to happen, they'd need to have a conscience which, of course, they don't have because they're like psychopaths and have a monkeysphere with room for only one.



February 22 - A loophole in Texas law allows politicians to buy property for themselves.  It’s a cute little trick.  The spouse “buys” property and then the lawmaker pays rent to the spouse from the campaign account. 
     Okay, look, you gotta promise not to tell “independently wealthy” County Judge Bob Hebert about this scam.  He’ll suddenly need a condo in South Padre to conduct county business.
     Campaign finance reform is a dirty word in the State Lege.  The Texas Ethics Commission can only enforce the laws, not make them. 
     Letting the Lege write the laws on campaign finance is like letting NASCAR write the speed laws.  Or Willie Nelson write the wildweed laws. 

February 21 - Reason #654 that I am not a Republican.
     Do these people ever listen to themselves to see what they believe in?  In a story about the TXU coal plants ----

"I'm a Republican, but the reason I don't want the coal plants is I live here,'' said Zach Crohn, a college sophomore. "Baylor is very Southern Baptist conservative Republican, but this will affect all of us, no matter what you believe in politics. It would be a different story if it was a different area.''

     Way to go, Zack!  Keep looking out for #1!  Now, if they want to put it over there around San Antonio where all the Catholics are.....
     By the way, Zack - on a clear day, which most aren't anymore, I can see this outside my upstairs window.  It's the Parish plant at Smither's Lake.  See a overhead view of it.  And the coal cars that rumble down the railroad tracks in my little town rattle the windows. 
     Hey, but at least it ain't Waco, huh?  And we do keep the Southern Baptists to a minimum around here, so I guess it's a fair trade-off.

Good post on the TXU plant in Waco.

I used to be like Zach Crohn and thought I was a republican. Believed in tort reform to stop the “greedy trial lawyers”. That was before I needed one. When I did need one, I found out what a joke tort reform was and how our rights have been slowly destroyed by demonizing trial lawyers. That was in 1994. I haven’t looked back since.

And please Zach, don’t tell me how conservative Baylor is. I graduated from Texas A&M. Was in the Corp of Cadets. Graduated as a 2nd Lt in the Army. I was brainwashed from the git go. A&M can kick the crap out of your liberal ass school. It took me 16 years to realize I wasn’t a republican.


February 21 - New billboard in Houston, thanks to these folks.  (I don't know anything about them except that they certainly do nice billboards.)

It's at the intersection of Almeda and Cleburne, where 59 goes over Almeda.

February 20 - As my friend Deb says, "Republicans accuse Democrats of supporting terrorists, while terrorists are supporting Republicans."
     And she can prove it.

February 20 - Call your county commissioner today and demand that they buy a verifiable paper trail for our elections.
     Do not buy any bullcorn from County Judge Bob Hebert, who is not really a judge but likes to wear a dress, that we cannot declare an emergency to buy the proper equipment.  Sweet Holy Mother of Pencil Marks!, the county declared an emergency to buy a used WalMart that had been sitting empty for 4 years and then let it sit empty for 2 more years before they did anything with it. 
     That little adventure cost us $6 million dollars and you Commish Boys could find the money then, you political punks. 
     Yep, I’m angry enough to eat red ants and spit Tabasco sauce. 

February 20 - If there’s any Republicans who drop by here, which I hope there’s not but Republicans have been known to be drunk or lost, I have a question for you.
     How come American juries can be trusted with decisions of life and death, but cannot be trusted with decision of punitive damages?
     The Supremes (in a 4-5- decision) overturned a jury’s decision about punitive damages today.  It’s being touted as a boon for big business.  Just what the tobacco industry needs – more money.

WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court threw out a $79.5 million punitive damages award to a smoker’s widow Tuesday, a boon to businesses seeking stricter limits on big-dollar jury verdicts.

The 5-4 ruling was a victory for Altria Group Inc.’s Philip Morris USA, which contested an Oregon Supreme Court decision upholding the verdict.

     Remember how tort reform was going to lower all our insurance rates significantly?  If you’ve been holding your breath for that one, you’re in trouble. 
     Punitive damages are just that – meant to punish a company for negligent behavior or for making claims they knew were false.
     Example:  the Peter Pan peanut butter people knew since August that the peanut butter was contaminated.  But, nobody died, so it made better business sense to let people get sick than to pay for a recall.  I was mad enough to eat nails when I heard that! 
     So, we can’t trust juries to decide punishment for a corporation, but we can trust them to decide punishment for people?
     Republicans – they’re not just for starting unnecessary wars anymore.

February 19 - Like I always say, Tom DeLay is the gift that just keeps on giving.
     You know the guy arrested last week for sending over $150,000 to terrorist training camps in Afghanistan and Pakistan? 
     And he’s also a big Republican hotshot and political donor.  His CV lists US National Republican Senate Inner Circle Member for Life, US National Republican Congressional Committee NYS Businessman of the Year- 2003, and NRCC’s appointed US President’s USNRCC White House Business Advisory Committee, among other Republican honorifics.
     It’s that White House Business Advisory Committee that caught my attention.
     That was one of Tom DeLay’s scams.  He had folks called up people and play them a recording of Tom DeLay saying they had won an award.  Only late in the call did the “winner” learn that the award was going to cost him $2,500 or so.
     However, there’s a sucker born every minute, which also explains why there’s so many Republicans, and people fell for this scam.  They sent their money to Tom and he sent them a real nice $1.99 certificate.  However, a lot of the contributions were illegal because they were bought by foreign nationals.
     Tom taught the RNC this trick, and now it’s come back to bite them on the hiney.   

CBS News has confirmed that Alishtari is a donor to the Republican Party, as he claims on his curriculum vitae. Alishtari gave $15,500 to the National Republican Campaign Committee between 2002 and 2004, according to Federal Election Commission records. That amount includes $13,000 in 2003, a year when he claims to have been named NRCC New York State Businessman of the Year.

     Aren't you glad you didn't go to the Lincoln Day Dinner?  No telling how many terrorists were there! 

February 19 -    Okay, can you even imagine what Bill O’Reilly’s or Rush Limbaugh’s head would look like if this had happened under the Clinton administration? 

  All but one of the U.S. attorneys recently fired by the Justice Department had positive job reviews before they were dismissed, but many ran into political trouble with Washington over issues ranging from immigration to the death penalty, according to prosecutors, congressional aides and others familiar with the cases.

Two months after the firings first began to make waves on Capitol Hill, it has also become clear that most of the prosecutors were overseeing significant public-corruption investigations at the time they were asked to leave. Four of the probes target Republican politicians or their supporters, prosecutors and other officials said.

     I mean, we’d be cleaning O’Reilly spit off the teevee screens in all twenty states and more than a hundred insane asylums.  I hear that O’Reilly is big at insane asylums. 
     And speaking of which, if Clinton had done this, Rush Limbaugh would have gotten so excited that he could have skipped his medications for that day.  Okay, so maybe that’s a little much.  Rush needs his meds.
     Have we checked to make sure Nixon really is dead?  I mean, what if he’s still alive and just bought a Bush suit? 

February 19 - Well, you know how I get when the weather turns nice.  I start thinking baseball and I’m totally useless until October.
     My friend Thomas, who also loves physics and baseball, sent me something to keep me entertained until spring training – the gyroball.  It’s Bigfoot, Anna Nichol, and the Scooter Libby trial rolled into one! 

According to Himeno, a gyroball will head toward home plate looking like a fastball before breaking straight down as it crosses the plate. He described to me a pitch that would work differently than a traditional breaking pitch, spinning, as best I could understand it, more like a Tom Brady spiral than a Curt Schilling splitter. So what causes the break? ``Simply gravity and the drag force caused by the ball itself," Himeno says.

     I’m going to pass along to you some really cool information about the gyroball that Thomas found.  My bet is that even if it does exist, it’s the new screwball - an arm-killer.  Or, it could be hype for the American debut of a Japanese ballplayer.  But, I’ve been wrong before.
     Here’s an article about it, along with a great graphic to help you understand what it is.   And there’s some You Tubes here and here.

February 19 - Happy President's Day!  Can we get rid of this one?

February 19 - Okay, so Junior’s lunchbox was not any safer than his peanut butter sandwich? 

In 2005, when government scientists tested 60 soft, vinyl lunchboxes, they found that one in five contained amounts of lead that medical experts consider unsafe -- and several had more than 10 times hazardous levels.

But that's not what they told the public.

Instead, the Consumer Product Safety Commission released a statement that they found "no instances of hazardous levels." And they refused to release their actual test results, citing regulations that protect manufacturers from having their information released to the public.

     Hey, we gotta get these jerks out of power before they kill us all. 
     Listen up, Republicans: here’s something we need government for – insuring the safety of our food and our children’s lunchboxes from unscrupulous corporations. 
     It’s like smokin’ a cigar in a fireworks factory to let these guys be in charge of anything. 

February 17 - What the fool tarnation is happening to our food supply?  I know the Republicans want to do away with the FDA, but even Republican children eat peanut butter and cantaloupes. 

The Dole Fresh Fruit Co. recalled several thousand cartons of imported cantaloupes today after the fruit tested positive for salmonella.

The recall, which covers the eastern United States and the Canadian province of Quebec, is the second sparked by salmonella fears this week.

     I guess I'm gonna have to live on a diet of weeds and fresh fire ants - the only thing that grows in my backyard.

February 17 - Here we are in what is assumed to be the conservative stronghold of America.  It’s Tom DeLay’s old district, for Pete’s sake.
     Yet all three of the Congressmen from Fort Bend County – Al Green, Nick Lampson, and Ron Paul – voted against the President and his war. 
     Take that to your Lincoln Day Dinner and chew on it, Bubba. 

February 17 - Breaking News!  Saddam Hussein is still dead.
     Somebody needs to tell Jeff Session, Republican Senator from Alabama. 
     Sessions, who thankfully is not from Texas, gave a speech on the Senate floor saying we did not start this war over weapons of mass destruction or anything Bush told us. 
     Here's the deal according to Sessions:  We invaded Iraq to prevent Saddam Hussein from being able to say that he'd won the 1991 Gulf War.
     No, really.  He said that.
     Thank God for Alabama!  They make John Cornyn look intelligent!

February 17 - Oh dear, nasty Brent Wilkes and his partying ways move closer to Tom DeLay this morning. 
     It looks like Republican Congressman John Doolittle is the next to go down and he's one degree of separation from Tom DeLay.

Doolittle said in an earlier interview that he befriended Wilkes though Ed Buckham, a former staff member for then-Rep. Tom DeLay who became a lobbyist for the Alexandria Strategy Group and was a close associate of convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Doolittle also has described Abramoff as a close friend.

In April 2005, Wilkes' corporate jet was used to fly DeLay to Las Vegas for a fundraiser at the Venetian Resort Hotel Casino for Doolittle's PAC, the Superior California Federal Leadership Fund.

     Tom's gotta be clipping coupons for lawyers.

February 16 - Damn, I love Texas.
      Right now in our State Lege: the theory of evolution is a Jewish conspiracy, and the theory of gravity is a feminist plot to the keep fluffy white men from flying. 
     Okay, the first half is front page news.  The second half, not so much, at least for now.

AUSTIN – The second most powerful member of the Texas House has circulated a Georgia lawmaker's call for a broad assault on teaching of evolution.

House Appropriations Committee Chairman Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, used House operations Tuesday to deliver a memo from Georgia state Rep. Ben Bridges.

The memo assails what it calls "the evolution monopoly in the schools."

Mr. Bridges' memo claims that teaching evolution amounts to indoctrinating students in an ancient Jewish sect's beliefs.

"Indisputable evidence – long hidden but now available to everyone – demonstrates conclusively that so-called 'secular evolution science' is the Big Bang, 15-billion-year, alternate 'creation scenario' of the Pharisee Religion," writes Mr. Bridges, a Republican from Cleveland, Ga.

     You know, when your state lege starts talkin' that Pharisees talk, you're in for a thrilling session!
     This bill alone is Reason #478 of Why I Am a Democrat.

This is living proof  that there are two species of humans on this planet. homo sapiens and homo nonsapiens. Guess which one Chisum belongs to?

February 16 - I am so there.
     On March 2nd, they are having a symposium on the Texas redistricting law in Austin at UT.  Hook ‘Um.
     Take a look at this ---- 

10:50 am. Panel 2: The 2002 Election Campaign and the Criminal Prosecutions

Chair: Professor George Dix, George R. Killam Jr. Chair of Criminal Law (University of Texas)

Participants: Defense Attorneys Dick DeGuerin, Roy Minton, and J.D. Pauerstein; and Travis County District Attorney Ronnie Earle.

     Here’s information on the Bickerstaff Book (PDF format)  Watching Ronnie Earle take on all three of them is just too much fun to miss. 

February 15 - Even with all the GOPper infighting here, Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace still thinks he's running for congress.  According to Roll Call (subscription only) yesterday.

Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace (R) has decided against running for re-election next year, fueling speculation that he instead will run for the Republican nomination in the 22nd district and the right to challenge Rep. Nick Lampson (D) in 2008.

In an interview late last week, Wallace said he expected to announce his 2008 intentions within the next 60 days, and sounded very much like he plans to throw his hat into the ring.

“I feel I could do a good job in representing the people of the 22nd district,” Wallace said.

     No mention by Wallace that he could get Bob Perry to spend a whole mess of money to defeat him, thereby helping Democrats nationwide.
     Also in the article was something I hadn't heard.

In the category of potential candidates unlikely to run is longtime Channel 11 sports anchor Gifford Nielsen, a former Houston Oilers quarterback.

Nielsen admitted to thinking about running for Congress on occasion, but said he is happy in his job and giving virtually no consideration to a 2008 run in the 22nd district.

“I can’t say I haven’t thought about it, but I have never pursued it,” Nielsen said late last week when reached on his cell phone.

     Gifford Nielsen?  No, really?  My goodness, hasn't Dan Patrick embarrassed Republicans enough?  You want another media personality?

February 15 - More Republican love.
     Just when you think you'll run out of examples of Republicans in love, along comes ---

SANIBEL, Fla. - A former Pennsylvania congressman was accused Wednesday of exposing himself to two women at a beach resort.

Joseph M. McDade, 75, was issued a summons on a charge of exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor that carries up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.

     Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.

February 15 - Tom DeLay is getting his name in the news again.  It’s not pretty.  Brent Wilkes, of buying hookers for Cunningham fame, was also a dear friend of Tom DeLay.
     Tom DeLay was a frequent flyer on Brent Wilkes's corporate jet - the same jet that Wilkes used to bribe Cunningham. 

     During one weekend campaign swing in July 2003, DeLay used at least a quarter of Group W's 50-hour annual allotment on the jet. DeLay flew the Group W jet from Dulles Airport in Washington, D.C., to John Wayne Airport in Orange County to appear at a campaign dinner for Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Huntington Beach. When the dinner was over, DeLay flew from Orange County to Seattle, where he appeared at a campaign event for then-Rep. Jennifer Dunn. Once that event ended, DeLay used the Group W jet to fly back to Washington, D.C.
     The DeLay, Rohrabacher and Dunn campaigns, which jointly funded the trip, paid Group W a total of $3,057 -- about what DeLay would have paid for a single hour on the jet, if he were paying for it on his own.
     DeLay's spokeswoman, Shannon Flaherty, declined to answer questions regarding the Group W flight. "He has a lot of other things on his mind these days," she said.

     No mention of Wilkes also providing in-flight entertainment.  But the Wilkes/Michael indictment indicates the in-flight meals on Wilkes's corporate jet were quite nice. 
     And there’s even more evidence that Jack Abramoff wasn’t DeLay’s only friend with seedy ties.

… and $30,000 to Tom DeLay, who flew on Wilkes' jet several times and has been a frequent golfing buddy.

Over the past three years, Wilkes' lobbying group in Washington – Group W Advisors – also paid about $630,000 in lobbying fees to Alexander Strategy Group, a firm headed by DeLay's former chief of staff Ed Buckham and staffed with former DeLay employees.

The firm has a well-publicized reputation in Washington as a conduit to DeLay's office.

"The Alexander lobbyists' sales pitch was, 'Either you hire me or DeLay is going to screw you,' " an anonymous source identified as a top Republican lobbyist told the Congressional Quarterly weekly last month. "It was not really a soft sell."

Besides donating money to DeLay's campaign, Wilkes also has given money to a political action committee that DeLay helped organize: Texans for a Republican Majority. The group is under investigation for allegedly breaking Texas law to divert corporate contributions into its drive to redraw the state's election districts.

     I did a search at but there was no mention of Mr. Wilkes.  Hummm....

February 14 - More Republican love as told by Fort Bend Now
     Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace is taking his marbles and going home. 

Outbid by Houston homebuilder Bob Perry for the right to introduce the keynote speaker at the 2007 Lincoln Reagan Day Dinner, Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace has pulled out as a sponsor of the event.

     Bob Perry, of Swiftboat fame, has bought the right to embarrass Wallace and run the show. Republicans are like that.  If they're not messing with "Prostitute C," they're messing with each other's money. 
     And as if to prove my point, lookie here at our county commissioner's favorite deep-pocket kickback donors, PBS&J are doing now.
     It's very cute.  PBS&J is using the embezzlement case to disguise tens of millions of dollars in overcharges to state and local governments.

Engineering firm PBS&J overcharged government clients for several years, auditors investigating embezzlement at the company have found.

PBS&J has attributed some of the millions in overbilling to three former employees who tried to cover up a $36.6 million embezzlement. But in filings with the Securities and Exchange Commission, the firm also admitted to its own overbilling, although it won't say by how much. One big client, the Florida Department of Transportation, estimated that more than half of the approximately $11 million it was overcharged had nothing to do with the embezzlement.

The discovery is part of the fallout from the investigation of a $36.6 million embezzlement scheme that lasted about a dozen years before it was detected in early 2005. The probe was conducted by a team of lawyers and forensic accountants hired by PBS&J, formerly headquartered in Miami but now in Tampa.

     I hope that Bob Hebert, Andy Meyers and Tom Stavinoha are please with themselves for conducting county business with such a reputable firm and then taking money from them for doing it.
     Republicans - you're gonna get screwed one way or the other.

February 14 - As a special "Republicans in Love" Valentine's Day Event, I present you with two pages of the indictment of Brent Roger Wilkes, government contractor and close, personal friend of Duke Cummingham.  Oh so close.  Oh so personal.
     Republicans in Love - read it here.  Start at paragraph 102.
     Underlining the good parts so you don't have to read the whole 42 pages is just another free friendly service we offer here.

Susan, what was the $500 tip for?  Not laughing?

Hey Zeus

February 13 - More email.


I guess you will have to clean up your act. It seems you will be fined 300,000 if you let any porn linger on your site. So you might want to see if the words fluffy white and boy are on the list!


Dear Karen, 

Not to worry.  I have installed a porn warning system.  It’s called Momma 2.0   

If there is ever porn on my website, Momma would call me within two minutes and say in a very loud voice, “You were not raised like that!”  At which point I reply, “No, Momma, I wasn’t, but I’m getting over it as soon as I can.”  Momma calls this “sass.”   

By the way, Momma 2.0 is shareware.  Everybody can get it.   


February 13 - From the Brazosport News
     Someone in the Baytown P.D. has a sense of humor, and that's a good thing.


February 12 - Kathy let us know that Dan Burton, the California Republican who missed 19 votes to play in a golf tournament in January, is attempting to make amends to his constituents.  However, he doesn’t do it too well.
     He blames it on the Democrats, of course. 

Burton told talk show host Greg Garrison that he made reservations to play in the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic when Republicans were still in control of the House.

When Democrats took control, he did not expect them to schedule votes so early in the month. "I probably made a mistake," he said.

    I knew it was Nancy Pelosi’s fault.  First she makes them work five days a week, then she makes them work in January.  The woman is just unreasonable. 

As a former Hoosier, I am sorry to say that Rep. Dan Burton is from Indiana, not California. 

On the good side, at least this means that Texas doesn’t produce all of the idiots in Congress. 


February 12 - I just heard that Tom “No Shame” DeLay left his home in Virginia to come to Texas last weekend. 
    He attended the Junior Service League’s Fire and Ice Ball at Safari Texas.  Of course, what with ARMPAC still being broke and his own political funds being spent on a team of lawyers and computer scrubbers, Tom didn’t buy a table or spend any money. He sat at Bob Brown’s table.  I guess he was the Ice part.
     The story going around is that he “came late, left early, and didn’t spend a dime.”  Hey, making money at $52 a pop is hard work, even if you don’t write your blog yourself.

February 12 - Email question:


     First they give themselves OUTRAGEOUS pay raises and then this.   
     It is (or should be) SHOCKING that FBC Commissioners outsourced part-time employment (increasing part-timers' hourly rate 23% for employees originally hired by the county, but 33% for replacement of all who fled) to a company so unprofessional as to publish such a grammatically-errant and typo-riddled job posting; for the LIBRARY, no less.  I do not imagine a free website attracts the best candidates, either. 
     Apparently, this was not a one-time deal either.


Dear Annie, 

     I generally discourage people from using the terms FBC Commissioners and shocking in the same sentence, but I think you’ve hit on something.
     I have another problem with this whole deal.  Let’s see, for the library job you have to have a high school diploma
and two years college.  You have to be able to type, use the internet, and operate a database.  You have to have good communication skills and interact easily with staff and public.  The job also requires heavy lifting.  It pays $8.75 an hour. 
     Criminy, Annie, our Commissioners wouldn’t be qualified for this job and they make $50 an hour even if you assume they work a 40 hours work week, which they don’t.   
     Heavy lifting. Ha!  Interact easily with staff and the public.  Double ha!  Good communication skills?  Har ha!
     Shocking?  Only to sane folks. 


Just to clarify:


In addition to the hourly wage paid to the contract worker, we the taxpayers also pay the staffing agency 33% (the percentage may have increased since originally negotiated) of that worker's pay each-and-every hour/day/week/month/year.  It’s not like the County paid part-timers any benefits of any kind, so why pay an agency?   


Seeing the agency's employment postings, it seems they do not require even minimal professionalism from their own staff.  It doesn’t seem that they are competent enough to vet and hire people for others. 


I wonder if anyone listed on our commissioners’ campaign reports runs that Houston agency.   



February 12 - Just a few updates from the  weekend:
     Thank you, Dixie Chicks, for reminding folks that Texas women don’t back down.  You've done us proud.
     And, our friend Steve went camping this weekend.  With a blender.  He did, however, bring back some great pictures.

February 10 - My friend Dr. Doyle and I have been speculating today on this enormous news story that is coming in under the radar due to the even more enormous story of Anna Nicole Smith.      

Artist hopes to float giant banana over Texas

A Montreal artist wants to construct an enormous banana that would float over Texas, but critics say the project isn't worth government funding.

Cesar Saez conceived the project, called "Geostationary Banana Over Texas," and prefers to let the art speak for itself.

When asked why he would want a helium-inflated 300-metre banana to hover above Texas for a month, he simply told CTV Montreal: "Texas is as symbolic as the banana."

     You knew it was just a matter of time.
     Of course Dr. Doyle, being aware of my world-famous figuring abilities, wanted to know what I thought of this.  My first gut reaction is that it’s a Trojan Horse filled with socialized medicine from Canada. I don’t trust those Canadians. They like snow.  There’s something real wrong with that.
     Either that or it’s a Trojan Hor
se from Canada filled with peace. Or ideas. Or a real Governor.  Or any number of things that we’re doing perfectly well without in Texas.
     How ‘bout this?  They’re just waiting for us to get out the piñata sticks to find out what’s in that banana and – bam! – next thing you know, we’ve got a sudden urge to play sand hockey out in West Texas.
     Anyhow you look at it, a floating banana could not be a good thing.
     Dr. Doyle, who is, after all, a doctor, says, “Actually, I think probably Canada is trying to cut off the sunlight to a large, banana-shaped patch of our Texas farmlands. Clearly this is an act of war. And isn't the symbol of Islam a crescent?!! Obviously we should invade Iran.”
     Yep.  That’s it.

One more thing.

Y'know, it could be downright handy to have a banana floating in our sky. If Jesus comes back soon enough, we can say "Jesus, that's not a banana; we're just happy to see you."

Dr. Doyle in Nacogdoches


February 9 - I know this is going to come as a big shock to everybody, but Governor Rick Perry picked another fluffly white boy to be the new District Court Judge.  There were two far more qualified female candidates in the running, until, of course, it was revealed that they both were … well, you know, female.
     Okay, let’s look at the diversity in our District Court judges here.  They are all Republicans but, boy howdy!, the alikeness ends there.  We have a short old white guy, a tall old white guy, a crazy old white guy, a stupid old white guy, a bald old white guy, and now an old white guy.  That’s Republican diversity.
     Can I get you boys some coffee or something?  

February 9 - Every now and then, I get a question in the email box.  Here's one.


Please go to the GOP dinner!  You promised us a chart explaining the different types of Fort Bend Republicans based on hairstyles awhile back.  This would be an excellent opportunity to gather evidence.



Dear Laura,  

Sorry, no can do.  First off, I can’t drink that much kool-aid. 

Second off, I do not want my obituary to say, “innocent bystander in a vicious eruption between Checkbook Republicans and Bible Republicans.”  I do not want “innocent bystander” anywhere in my obituary.  When I die, I want to be real sick or doing something worth dying for.  Getting crushed between some greedy old fart and some wild-eyed religious nut leaves a bad legacy.

Third off, I have been told that this is becoming an ego battle between David Wallace and the Perry Family (as in Bob and Will).  My money is on the Perrys because they have a whole generation on Wallace of doing this stuff.  However, Wallace wins the pretty category. There is doubt, however, that the ballroom will hold all the egos, especially if Bob Hebert insists on showing up. 

Fourth off, what if Tom DeLay shows up in diapers carrying a wig a 4 inch knife looking for Shelley Sekula Gibbs?  It could happen, my friend. 

Fifth off, what if Jesus comes that very night and finds me with a bunch of greedy people and people who have been using his name is sell their hateful ideas?  Have you thought about that?   

Sixth off, karma, dude.


I will, however, be at this event honoring a true American hero.

February 8 - Okay, so I'm sure I'm the fiftieth person to tell you about this, but you probably need to listen again.  Folk Songs of the Far Right.  Heads-up, it's loud so don't peek while you're at work at the sheriff's department!

February 7 - I got an email this morning from “former Congresswoman” Shelley Sekula Gibbs.  She says that I’m “a valuable member of the community,” and she wants me to attend the local GOP Lincoln Day Dinner.
     To be honest, I’m highly tempted to go just to see if a hair-pulling fight breaks out.  Odds are pretty good that somebody is gonna get shoved before the night is over, and I’d love to see that.
     See, I think there’s trouble already brewing right here.  The invitation announces --

Communication Sponsors: Former Congresswoman Shelley Sekula Gibbs, M.D., Commissioner Andy Meyers, and the Republican Party Fort Bend County

     Back during the election, Commissioner Andy and Shelley were tighter than skin on a sausage.  At the time, I said that Andy followed her around so much that if she stopped suddenly, Andy could be in violation of the state’s sodamy laws.  That situation doesn’t seem to have improved. 
     The downside to this whole thing, however, is that their guest speakers get a little higher on the totem pole of reality every year.  They are just one election away from throwing a love fest for Ann Coulter.  This year, it’s Fred Barnes.  I can’t say enough about Barnes and here’s what he thinks about the Republicans in Fort Bend County

I mean, this is a suburban Houston, Texas, district. I mean, who do you think lives there? Pointy-headed intellectuals from Ivy League colleges? No. There's a bunch of -- it's a working-class district, suburban middle-class and working-class district that's very, very Republican, you know?

      Working class?  The current 22nd District has the second-highest median household income in the state.       
     However, Barnes did get the pointy-head intellectual thing right.  (Note to Fred Barnes: these are Republicans.  You have to talk very sloooowly.)

You have GOT to go to that dinner.  See if you can get press credentials and interview Freakin' Freddie.  Ask him about his comments and then ask him if he even knows anything about any place outside of DC.  An interview with Shelley would be good for laughs.  If you decide to go and do the interviews  post it on the website and we can send you our questions.  OOHh  I've got one..ask Freddie why he's so jumpy on tv that he's got to put his hands under his armpits to keep them from flying all over the place.

Susan - I'll buy you a ticket to the dinner if you'll go and take pictures.  Just think----- you won't be the most hated woman in the room.  They hate each other far more.

Hey Zeus

February 7 - Well see, I told you so.  Right off the bat, the new political website has a dandy article about our own Bob Perry and John "For Rent" McCain. 
     It appears that McCain can't make up his mind whether he's for campaign finance reform or not.  Seeing a politician claim to be for reform is like watching a lion claim he's a vegetarian.  I don't trust either one.

Sen. John McCain, who is pushing a bill for a federal crackdown on independent "527" political groups, has accepted campaign money from the prime financier of an independent group McCain accused of "dishonest and dishonorable" tactics in the 2004 presidential race.

The $4,200 contribution came from Bob Perry, the Texas homebuilder who was the biggest donor to Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, which aired television attack ads that wounded Democrat John Kerry's presidential bid.

     And let's get this straight right now.  Money is not free speech.  If it was, I'd have to whisper and Bob Perry would get a megaphone.  That ain't America. 

February 6 - There's a new political website with the promise of good things.  It's called, aptly enough, Politico.
     Right off the bat, first thing, el primero, there's Tom DeLay wanting to shut off the C-Span lights.  Yeah,
I guess so - That way there would be no evidence of Members being physically threatened to get their vote on Medicare. What a nincompoop.
     And then listen to this whine ---

When Congress is in session, reporters clog the hallways like cholesterol; they practically mug legislators walking out of their offices, and often shove cameras and microphones in people's faces without the least courtesy.

     If ya can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.  Oh, yeah.  I forgot.  He already did that.  He's a surrender monkey.

February 6 - Hallelujah! I can feel the love of my Christian brothers.  Errr.... and sisters! 
     In the most remarkable recovery in history, the Rev. Ted Haggart is pronounced cured of his homosexuality and immediately asked to leave town.

One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ''completely heterosexual.''

and then ....

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work

     Secular work?  As in, "anywhere but here, anyway but with us?" 
     Why, that's just real Christian of them, ain't it?  I'm taking two to one odds that they're fighting over the Haggart loot. 

February 6 - Apparently, Republicans haven't learned anything from Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff about the danger of golf:

U.S. Rep. Dan Burton skipped 19 House votes, including measures to reduce college costs and cut oil industry tax breaks, so he could play in a golf tournament last month in Palm Springs, Calif.

Burton also missed hearings on Iraq and North Korea to play in the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic, which pairs top golfers with politicians and celebrities such as actor and director Clint Eastwood.

      Dan Burton is one of those people who never learn.  Check out the entire article for the tricky way he's paying to play. 

Hey Susan, 

That worthless piece of doodoo Dan Burton is the same fool that was shooting watermelons in his backyard near Indianapolis to prove that Vince Foster did not commit suicide.  At the time he must have been addicted to CSI...or angel dust ..whatever.  They even wrote a little song about the man.


February 6 - Okay, so it’s Hillary time again. Apparently, Hillary Clinton has a magic wand she can wave and cause people to embarrass themselves.
     Last week, we saw Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace sell his soul (literally) to keep Hillary Clinton from being President. I commented at the time that Hillary wasn’t my first choice for the Democratic nominee but you have to give Hillary her due – I admire a woman who can crumble people so easily.
     Well, now Hillary has brought shame on the Fort Bend County Sheriff’s Department.  Okay, so I admit that’s not hard to do, but Hillary did it from 1,200 miles away.
     This week, Terriann Carlson, the public information officer for the sheriff’s department, sent out an email to every living and breathing news media source in the greater Houston area. The email consisted of a Power Point presentation demonstrating the use of “digital editing.” 
     The first slide was a pretty woman.  The second slide was the same picture but the woman’s skin had been airbrushed and her hair was improved.  This routine went on for several slides.  The last one was of a horse’s patoot and the improvement was Hillary.  You’ve seen it a million times – it’s been going around for about 2 years, which, of course, is the average time it takes for the sheriff’s department to discover anything.
     Ten minutes later, another desperate email goes out from Terriann.  This one says, “I am truly sorry for that unprofessional mistake.  That was sent by error and I apologize if I offended anyone.  Please accept my sincere apology.”
     Offended?  Nah, I’m not offended.  I think it’s delightful that the sheriff’s department Public Information Officer and Crime Victim Liaison Coordinator has time to be fooling around on a county computer, entertaining her friends with bad things about Hillary. 
     I’m gonna send Hillary an email with a list of the other people around here that I want her to embarrass. 

February 4 - Oh, holy blessed mother of chunky peanut butter with a damn cherry on top!
     The newspaper didn't print the whole interview with Dick Armey about Tom DeLay.  Armey's complete interview slaps ole Tom.  Last time I heard talk like this, hair pullin' started and Lana Sue whacked Bettyjean so hard that her grandchildren were born shaking!
     Yes, my friends - you knew from looking at those two wimpy guys that it would come to this.  It's a catfight!

Q. Why don’t you like him [Tom DeLay]?

A. I don’t like sneaky, conniving people. I don’t like people who get behind closed doors and contrive against other people. (He) has had -- what’s the word I want? -- an aggressive tendency to create the opportunity to do back-door, behind-the-door, closed-door, dark-room contrivances against people. I just consider that unacceptable.

     I'm just saying right here, right now, that if Tom DeLay came over here and wizzed in my swimming pool the night I after I called him as worthless as cornflake recipes, I'm gonna send him the bill for cleaning it.
See all those words Dick Armey used to describe Tom?  I can describe Tom in three words:  poopie del pollo.

February 4 - Oh, holy blessed mother of chunky peanut butter, Dick Armey is finally telling the truth!
     In today’s Fort Worth Star Telegram, former Texas Congressvarmint Armey, who we thought was Tom DeLay’s best friend, goes off all over Tom’s little pointy head --- 

Q. Did Tom DeLay become a liability to the party?

A. Oh, yeah. I'm amazed at the number of people who tell me this. I have my own understandings and feelings about Tom DeLay. ... I don't believe he's a good person, and I don't believe he ... should have been in public office.

     Not a good person? Not a good person? Oh, what will we tell the children? Tom DeLay is not a good person?  Think of all the broken hearts over that one, Dick!
     And I noticed that Armey sure did take money from the “not a good person.”  Hey Armey, does that make you "rental property of not a good person?"

February 4 - Hal has a fantastic Molly Ivins clip that kinda fits in with the Charlie Howard story below.  It's 8 minutes long and worth every second.
     And he also has a great analysis of the required vaccine for every sixth grade schoolgirl in Texas.

February 3 - Like HOT on a june bug?
     Okay, I’m pretty much the expert on amusing Texas sayings.  I am.  My Momma’s family has been here for seven generations and amongst us, we’ve heard them all. 
     That’s how we knew that Dubya wasn’t raised here.  If he can’t spit out the whole “Fool me twice” thing while tending the baby with one hand and playing the fiddle with the other, then he ain’t Texan.
     Neither is our State Representative, Charlie Howard.
     Now, I don’t know where you stand on the mandatory vaccinating of Texas schoolgirls.  There appears to be several sides to this issue.
     I am very worried about Charlie Howard’s side.  Charlie is a overly cheerful and zealous member of the far religious right.   

District 26 State Rep. Charlie Howard was caught off guard and is upset about Gov. Rick Perry’s Friday afternoon executive order requiring 11 and 12-year-old girls in public schools to get vaccinations against a virus that can cause cervical cancer.

“I’m going to be leading the charge against it,” Howard said on Saturday. “I’m going to be talking to a whole bunch of conservatives in the next 48 hours.

“I’m going to be on this like hot on a june bug.”

     Hot on a june bug?  I have never heard the phrase “like hot on a june bug.”  Never.  Apparently, neither has anyone else.  Run yourself a Google search on it.  Nada, huh?
     I have, however, heard and used the phrase “like a frog on a june bug.” 
     I guess you’d have to see how much Charlie Howard looks like a frog to see how seriously funny this is.
     Additionally, the very next paragraph is, “Howard also fears forcing 6th-grade girls to take the vaccine may make them more likely to engage in promiscuous sex.”
     Well, there it is:  the s-e-x word.  Which, of course, explains Charlie's whole mix up on the "hot" and  “frog” thing.  Those religious right boys can't says anything about s-e-x with thinking h-o-t. 

Thanks. Not in the way of knowing the local sayings, being a California transplant, the way I always heard it was “like a duck on a June Bug”. And that makes sense to me. I can picture ducks feasting on June Bugs because I once witnessed my dog snarfling them up under my back porch light. But this was in March, not June. I was mystified by “hot on a June Bug”. Yeah, it’s hot in June, but . . . eh? 

Maybe he should have stuck to “white on rice”. 

Or most appropriately, “like stink on s_ _ _ “. 

- Hal


February 2 - Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace is a practical man.  He believes in doing what it takes to win, even if that means becoming a whore. 
     Take this, for example.  David Wallace, who claims to be a Bible Beater and a far rightwinger when it comes to social issues, is supporting Rudy
Giuliani for President. 
     No kidding.
     Now, why would David Wallace support a guy who’s
pro gun control, supports choice and gay marriage, and who puts Bill Clinton to shame in the skirt chasing department?  Because of …. wooo, woooo, scary music, woo  …… Hillary.
     No kidding. 

     At least that's what Mayor Wallace says.

Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace, who calls himself "a strong hard right wing when it comes to social issues" and who was a host of the Giuliani event in Houston, said many conservatives will back the former New York mayor for pragmatic reasons. He noted that polls show that Giuliani has wide support and could beat leading Democratic contender, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

"I think that Rudy Giuliani appeals to a broader universe of people throughout the United States," he said.

     Hillary is not my first choice for President and not even my second or third choice, but you gotta admire what she can do to fluffy white boys.  I mean, she can turn them into street sluts faster than a bullet with legs.  You gotta stand and applaud that about her. 
     I suspect that Mayor Wallace knows he’s a no-go on seeking the Congressional seat in 2 years since hacking-off Republican mega-donor Bob Perry and his son Will
     For you out of staters, there’s a commercial here in Texas featuring some cowboys who have just been given salsa from New York City.  The end line is “New York City?  Get a rope.” 
     So Mayor Wallace better stay clear of trees for a while because I know some ole Republican boys around here who carry a rope. 

February 2 - I need you to do something for me. I’m fixing to start a project and I won’t have as much time as I’d like to nose in other people’s business.
     I need y’all to start attending the local governmental meetings and report back to me what they’re doing.  I’ll publish it here for everybody to see.  And just to make it easier for you, I’ve got a handy checklist for you to take.  Just circle the right answer, send it to me, and I’ll take it from there.
     Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.


1. The reason you picked this meeting:

     A.  My child got an award.
     B.  My wife got an award.
     C.  I was hoping to get an award.
     D.  My taxes are too high.

2. What was the predominate bumper sticker in the parking lot?

     A. Eat More Rice
     B. Honk Like Hell if You Love Jesus
     C. Guns Don't Kill People, I Do
     D. Free the Tom DeLay One!

3. The most disturbing thing you discovered by attending this meeting:

     A. The Christian Coalition is serious about this stuff. They ain’t joking around.   It scares the hell outta me.
     B. They ran the entire meeting in Portuguese so “the enemy” wouldn’t find out what they were doing.
     C. They have a dedicated phone line to the Psychic Friends Network listed under "Consultant."
     E.  The Motto on the Official Seal of the City is "Nobody Told Me."

4. What factors influenced your choice of this particular meeting to attend?

     A.  The neon sign out front that said, "Skul Bored Meats Hear."
     B.  The persistent rumor that Needville City Council was finally going to come clean about their role in that whole Area 51 Alien landing thing.
     C.  Cleaner than the bus station for sleeping.
     D.  They were discussing the only issues that really matter - the dress code or cheerleaders.

5.  The most important thing accomplished at this meeting was:

     A.  They declared Bob Hebert’s ego the Ninth Wonder of the World.
     B.  Commissioner Andy Meyers got to blame everything on everybody else.
     C.  They temporarily forestalled military action against Iran for making fun of big hair.
     D. They gave Milton Wright more take home cars for his “Uncle Miltie’s Used Cars and Home Invasion School.”

6.  If any member of the public spoke to this session, what was the elected officials' reaction?

     A.  Made faces, hoping to win the perennial favorite government competition:  “Bet I Can Make You Laugh First.”
     B.  Kept asking, "Are you the ones out to destroy me?"
     C.  Hands out, palms up.   
     D.  Go to the restroom, get cookies, and check the ballgame scores.

7. Were any proclamations issued at this meeting?

     A.  No, they couldn't pronounce that "proclamation" word.
     B.  Yes, to a civil servant who got a proclamation instead of a living wage.
     C.  No, but they did refer several things to the Ad Hoc Committee of Ad Infinitum Proclamations, Latin Words Division.
     D.  Yes, to the wives' of several large campaign contributors under the category of "Thank You For Just Being You."

8.  What was the major topic of this meeting?

     A.  Lowering taxes, the boom, and the top floor of the courthouse.
     B.  Raising taxes, campaign contributions, and tomatoes.
     C.  Keeping the status quo, the faith, and those really great signs that say "Prison Area, Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers" on the freeway.
     D.  I don't know.  They were talking in that Portuguese stuff.

9. Commissioner's Court Only:  Commissioners appeared ......

     A.  Almost sober.
     B.  Amazingly lifelike.
     C.  With their attorneys.
     D.  To all be royally hacked-off at Andy Meyers.

10.  The guy sitting next to you said __________

     A.  Don't tell anybody you saw me here.  My wife thinks I'm shooting pool.
     B.  Buddy, can you spare $5.00 for a cup of cappuccino?
     C.  You have the right to remain silent, anything you say .....
     D.  Do YOU speak Portuguese?

February 1 - Lookie lookie, they erected a billboard in North Carolina honoring State Rep. Charlie Howard and Commissioner Andy Meyers!
     Poor guys.  If they lived in North
Carolina, they couldn't even go to church.  Or they'sdbe there every day, I don't know which.

February 1 - Bless those poor suckers who gave Tom DeLay money to be re-elected after he'd already secretly decided to resign.
     Tom, the bait-and-switch artist, used $450,000 of that money to pay lawyers. Tom has a lot of lawyers.  Innocent people generally need one good lawyer, but for some reason Tom and OJ need a herd of 'um. 
     And then to add a little intrigue, Tom's Year-End Report shows that he paid $15,000 to the firm of Stroz, Friedberg, LLC.  It's not a law firm - it’s a computer forensics firm that conducts investigations of computer systems.  Look where you're at.  Look at what you used to get here.  Uh oh.  Wave hi to Tom!
     I suspect that if Ronny Earle was going to Hotsy-Trotsy websites, we'd know it by now, huh? 

Was Stroz Friedberg the "outside vendor" who scrubbed the computers in DeLay's congressional office before Shelly Sekula-Gibbs took office: 

David James, DeLay's former chief of staff, who stayed to work for Sekula-Gibbs -- until Tuesday's walkout -- said last night that the office computers "were scrubbed and reconfigured by an outside vendor in the days immediately prior to her assuming office," as House policies require. 

Why was a company that is aiding Tom DeLay's defense hired to do this and paid with campaign funds?  Shouldn't the House have hired a company to do this - one that isn't connected to DeLay's defense?  Allowing Stroz Friedberg to do the work at DeLay's request could be obstruction of justice.


Tom was laughing all the way to the bank. With that fancy firm for computer forensics maybe he is trying to force links to his site-I cant imagine people going there voluntarily ! He is some piece of work-nothing he does would surprise me  anymore.



February 1 - If you want to do a personal tribute to Molly Ivins, what would please her most is if you would subscribe to her beloved Texas Observer  
     Or, make a small or large contribution to the Molly Ivins Fund for Investigative Reporting, which you can also do at that site. It's overwhelmed right now, but promise me you'll go back and do it later.  By clicking right here, you can subscribe and/or donate to the Molly Ivins Fund.

     I don’t think there’s a liberal woman in Texas who doesn’t have a Molly Ivins story.  God knows we all owe her a lot, and she got around to shaking all of our hands.
     A couple of years ago, I was honored to be speaking at the same event as Molly.  It was one of those hotter than hell Texas summer days with more humidity than a swimming pool.  The location of the event was one of those places in Austin where everything is uphill – both ways.
     Neither Molly or I was in the best of health on that weekend but neither of us was gonna miss the chance to speak to a mess of Democrats or be on C-SPAN. So, the organizers of the event got a golf cart and hauled Molly and my butt uphill when necessary, and downhill when we just felt like it.
     On one of these hauling trips, Aunt Merdene called me on my cellphone.  Aunt Merdene, who had forgotten where I was that weekend as she was apt to do at 85 years old, asked me, “Honey, whatcha doing?”
     Me, wanting to appear far more important than I am and knowing that Aunt Merdene votes a straight Republican ticket, replied crisply, “Why, right this minute I’m riding around in a golf cart with Molly Ivins.”
     There was a long silence while I waited for Aunt Merdene to absorb this moment in Texas history. 
     Finally, Aunt Merdene responded with a sigh and what I'm sure was an eye roll and a foot tap, “Well, Girl. Go ahead. Tell me. Who’s winning?” 
     I put my hand over the phone while I whooped, “Molly, she wants to know who’s winning.”
     Molly drawled, “Why, I am, of course.”
     Molly and I made a pact to bring golf clubs next time we spoke together so we wouldn't look like women who needed their butts hauled around.
     Molly Ivins, the Tiger Woods of laughter. 

   Sadly, I never met Molly but she was like a sister in my heart.  She was beautiful - inside and out - and witty and intelligent and every other good attribute anybody can think of.  One of a kind. You said it right when you named her Tiger Woods of laughter.  I miss her a lot!!

Marie  in Springfield

By now, all of you who wish to know will already know that our beloved Molly is gone.
Molly Ivins, one of the great voices of sanity in an era that needs such voices desperately, is dead at the age of 62, finally succumbing to the cancer that she battled for more than 6 years.
I never met Molly personally, but I feel, as so many do, that I've lost a friend this day. The term "speaking truth to power" must have been invented for her, as that is what she did every day of her life. She never backed down, and she stood up for all of us in every word she wrote, and she will be sorely missed. Sorely missed.
If there is a heaven, she's there, dudes and dudettes - looking down on the world, and saying in her delicious Texas twang, "Don't give up the good fight! And keep some humor about you - it's the only thing that lets us survive sometimes."
I found a Yahoo News piece on her passing - it includes a quote from Molly, I think from her very last column, that brought tears to my eyes. Perhaps it will yours as well:
"We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. We need people in the streets, banging pots and pans and demanding, 'Stop it, now!'"
RIP, Molly. You earned it.


Molly is gone.  God rest her soul.  She will be greatly missed!   If SMU wants a library, let it be in honor of Molly Ivins. 


Damn, Molly Ivins has died.  In her memory, let's all us hooter toters go get the awful mammogram.

Love your new format! 

Love, Ellen

I am heartbroken that she lost her fight with cancer ...she fought the Shrub so valiantly ..I wanted her to live to see him forever banished from the American landscape ..but it is not to be... I had a friend Ilse, a retired German professor from the local university...every year Every year at Christmas or for my birthday she gave a book by Molly ....she died a few years ago ... I hope she and Molly are having a drink together now ... If you get to go to a memorial service for Molly, please do me a favor and whisper to Molly "Thanks for all the courage you gave in your columns ...Please go haunt the Shrub and his friends"

Thanks to you too, Susan .... you just don't know how much your funny writing has helped ...

a fellow Texan,

"We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. We need people in the streets, banging pots and pans and demanding, 'Stop it, now!'"

- Molly Ivins


I am very sad, but I know what will help - DO SOMETHING! To honor Molly.   

OK. Fine. I admit it - I belong to But, today we are calling our senators to tell them how we feel about Iraq.  

Here's a chance to honor Molly TODAY: 

Call Sen. Cornyn's office at 202-224-2934 and

Sen. Hutchenson's office at 202-224-5922  

Please be nice and ask them to stop the escalation, end the war, and bring our brave troops home now. They have completed their mission.  

PS- OK, Susan, it's official -  you're now my #1 favorite Texas Democrat. You better not stop writin'! 

Your Damn Yankee Friend in Spring,




Welcome to the website formerly known as The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.
I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old district.  It's crazy here.  No, seriously, it's triple z crazzzy.

I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when I got to know a few local Republicans.  They are meaner than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a bank robber. 

So, I decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog.  Blogs are way too trendy for me.  I've been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you ain't. 

Email me and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.