But my heart aches for the daughters, mothers, and wives who cannot say that.  May their Memorial Day bring the peace that passeth all understanding.

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May 28 - Well, Copernicus must be resting easy in his grave.  At least they didn’t make Pat Robertson the center of the universe. 

THE CREATION MUSEUM, a $27-million tourist attraction promoting earth science theories that were popular when Columbus set sail, opens near Cincinnati on Memorial Day. So before the first visitor risks succumbing to the museum's animatronic balderdash — dinosaurs and humans actually coexisted! the Grand Canyon was carved by the great flood described in Genesis! — we'd like to clear up a few things: "The Flintstones" is a cartoon, not a documentary. Fred and Wilma? Those woolly mammoth vacuum cleaners? All make-believe.

     As John Mayer, the young American poet says, “Belief is a beautiful armor, but makes for the heaviest sword.”  Or as Thelma, my favorite poet/philosopher says, “These people are nuttier than pecan pie.” 
     These folks have one darned little tiny God.  And they ain’t gonna be happy until you do, too.

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May 28 - We get email.  And sometimes complaints.

May 27 - This is a public service announcement for locals.  The best kept secret in the county is the Needville Farmer’s Market.  Located directly across Highway 36 from Needville High School (look for the signs), it’s open every Thursday from about 4:00 until everything’s sold.  Get there early.
     You can buy free range eggs, fresh produce, goat milk, special ground coffees, and even some hand lotion that would make an alligator cuddly. 
     Put a note on your calendar to get down there next Thursday, but anybody who buys all the corn or peaches before I get there is a very bad person.

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May 26 - Oh, you just gotta love the Texas Lege, especially Speaker Tom Craddick.  They had a World Federation of Politics last night.
     House members, mainly Republicans, are trying to remove Craddick from the speakership. 

Earlier, the Texas Eagle forum sent out an emergency message to members claiming a "coup d'etat" was taking place in the House and urged members to call Republican lawmakers to pledge loyalty to Craddick.  

    Now, that’s funny.  The Texas Eagle Forum, calling it a coup d’etat.  I thought they only spoke German.

Texas Department of Public Safety officers took positions outside the House to be ready if called upon to restore order.

"This was a scene out of Lord of the Flies," said Rep. Joaquin Castro, D-San Antonio.

     Joaquin was closer than anybody to being right with the Lord of the Flies reference - pre-teen boys stranded on an island, struggling for power, yep – The Lege. 

Legislators charged toward the dais shouting, ''No! No! No!'' as Craddick walked off toward his office behind the House chamber.

Rep. Rick Noriega, D-Houston, attempted to get to the microphone on the dais, he said, to continue the rules discussion, but was blocked by House sergeants.

     Good Lord, Rick has faced down Afghan Warlords, which makes him uniquely prepared to be in The Lege.  Rick is about 5 foot, 17 inches.  If I saw him coming, I’d move. 
     The night ended with Craddick and the lovely Nadine going back to their manufactured home in the Capitol.  That’s a real shame because this State has enough stoopid people without making their king Speaker of the House.

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May 25 - My band, Bitchin’ Betty and the Sequined Backhoes, had a practice session this afternoon.  I asked them to pose for pictures for the website, but this is the best they’d do.  Seems they’re afraid of creepy Republican stalkers lately, and then there’s that whole Dean Hrbacek running for Congress thing.  Made everybody’s mascara run.  Yes, it did.

  
     We ran out of sacks for Sara and Helen, so they just acted disinterested.  Not hard to do in this group.
      We’re working on a tune for somebody to use to run for Precinct 1 Commissioner.  It’s harder than Chinese algebra to come up with negative words that rhyme with Stavinoha, however, stay-a-ho-uh comes close.
     And yes, we're trying to get Ann to use a glass instead of drinking from the bottle. 

May 23 - Several folks have emailed me and one even called me last night just as The Daily Show was coming on (oh horrors!) to tell me that The Hill says Tom DeLay's house was raided by the FBI. 

The postponements may be bad news for former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) and Rep. John Doolittle (R-Calif.), who had close ties to Abramoff and whose Northern Virginia homes the FBI recently searched. Since the searches, both Doolittle and DeLay have vehemently defended themselves and lashed out at the FBI, demanding that agents “fish or cut bait” in their investigations.

     It didn't sound right to me.  If the FBI raided Tom's house, I think I would have heard about it and at least made a mental note that at least somebody in this government is doing their job. 
     Sure 'nuf.  This morning, The Hill changed the story.  It was an editing mistake.

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May 22 - I’ve got a friend who says that life is like square dancing – just about the time you start to get into the swing of things, somebody changes direction on ya.
     That may not be a total definition of life, but it sure describes the Texas State Legislature.
     I subscribe to Harvey Kronberg’s Quorum Report.  If you don’t, you should.  It’s about the most reliable source of information on the Lege and Texas politics.  Some of the stuff there is free for you to look at – but the really good stuff costs money because Harvey likes to eat, and he’s grown fond of air conditioning and shoes.
     Today it seems that every Republican in the Lege has decided to run against that scoundrel Tom Craddick.  I get an email update from Harvey about every 15 minutes with the name of another Republican who wants to run against Craddick. 
     Now all this is really odd, because Craddick got elected to the Speakership when this session started and even some pretty rotten Democrats supported him, but his supporters are dropping like hail off a tin roof. 
     And in a “No shoot, Sherlock” moment, Representative Bryon Cook made a speech “complaining that the convergence of money, power and influence were corrupting the speakership and the House.”
     Hey Bryon, whose brain did you borrow for that realization?  People using crayons as writing materials figured that out long ago.
     You can bet that Tom and Nadine ain’t giving up their fancy new digs without a fight.  Nadine worked real hard to put a teevee set beside the settee at just the right angle.  Ole Nadine will be chasing Tom all over the Capitol with a broomstick should his bad politics cause her to move out of her new apartment!

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May 22 - Okay, I’m not saying that God is really hacked-off at what the Super DeLux Brand Christians are doing to Sweet Jesus’ teachings, but  … okay, maybe that is what I’m saying. 

The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.

     Or, maybe Jerry Falwell is sending a message from … well, you know, the other place. 
     Heck, if Jesus appearing on the laundry room floor is a sign, then this sucker is a real attention-getter!

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May 22 - You folks from foreign states may have heard about our newest Texas hero – State Senator Mario Gallegos.  Senator Gallegos is recovering from a recent liver transplant.
     Against his doctor’s orders, he has set up a sick bed 100 feet from his desk on the Senate floor in Austin to be the deciding vote to block the discriminatory Voter ID bill that the Republicans are viciously determined to pass, come hell, high waters, or dead Senators.  Burnt Orange Report has the details. 
     However, it is my friend, Judge Susan Criss of Galveston, who writes with eloquence and conviction about those who cleared the path for us all.  Take time to read it.  It is a strong tribute to Senator Gallegos.
     Judge Criss and I share a love of “A Patriot's Handbook.”  Here’s my well-worn copy, complete with coffee stains, next to my reading chair.  It stays there because I read it too often to put it back on the shelf.  Okay, that and I'm lazy. 
     If you don't have a copy, give yourself a wonderful gift of this book. 

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May 22 - Sorry I’ve been away from the keyboard for a few days.  Bubba paid the ransom and I’m back. 

     Okay, some folk have been asking which local County Commissioners are up for re-election this time ‘round. 
     The positions up for election in 2008 are Commissioners 1 and 3, and that would be Commissioner Tom “Hula Man” Stavinoha and Commissioner Andy Meyers, who you don’t even need a nickname for because his name has become synonymous with weirdness in government.  When somebody does something weird in government it’s called “an Andy Meyers,” as in:  “Jim Bob stepped over a five dollar bill to pick up a dime.  He pulled an Andy Meyers, by golly!”
     Stavinoha has been a gosh-awful Commissioner lately: he was the deciding vote on the damn electronic voting machines, giving his relative a taxpayer financed boondoggle, a trip to Hawaii (he paid the airfare after people pitched fits but we paid the rest), constantly has his hand out to vendors and developers for tickets to the ballpark and rodeo, didn’t oppose the 18 story landfill, and I’m just getting warmed-up because this guy is eaten-up with self-importance.
     Stavinoha will probably face opposition in his own primary.  If it’s a popular figure from Needville, Stavinoha will be put through a meat grinder so badly that even his family won’t recognize him when he comes out the other end. 
     Also, remember that Democrat Veronica Torres got 47% of the vote in precinct 1 so a Democrat could beat Stavinoha if there’s a popular Democratic presidential candidate.  He’ll probably be facing both a primary and general election opponent.  If anybody needs a $100,000 a year part-time job with excellent perks, contact your Party officials. 
     Andy Meyers is a whole ‘nother story.  He probably can’t be beat.  Precinct 3 is bizarre, Dude.  That’s Tom DeLay country.  Those folks pay Tom DeLay to sweep their swimming pools because they think he can walk on water.  You’d think the kids in Katy would have challenged him by now, but the Republicans in Katy are a mess.  They can’t get organized and can’t get anybody elected from there.  That works to Andy’s benefit.
     It’s kinda fun to poke Andy with a stick every now and then because he always does something wildly bizarre, like putting up signs that even make Republicans cringe or goes off on a wild tangent about female elected officials.  Check out his website.  Been that way for months. 
     The Lege will be deciding if we have an early primary or not, so you better be making up your mind pretty soon if you want a cushy government job where you can give yourself payraises at whim.  Sounds like a deal to me!