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April 30 - David gives us a heads-up that in Finland they're calling swine flu the TexMex virus.
     Look, you Finnish sons of motherless goats, this is not the TexMex flu.  I have had the TexMex flu - several times, in fact.  It generally involves Jose Cuervo and street tacos.  This sucker involves none of that so, by scientific definition, it cannot be the TexMex Flu.
     We Texans are hereby re-naming it The Finland Rot, because ... well, because we ain't puttin' up with this stuff.

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April 30 - After listening to his press conference last night, I am even more convinced that Obama is the right man for the right time. 
     But, I don't care who you are - this is funny!

 

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April 30 - President Obama's new message to America -

 

 

          Thanks, David!

 

 

 

 

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April 29 - Okay, I won't say where I took this photo but it was on a computer at a Texas Democratic Headquarters.

     .... and call the Delusion Police immediately.

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April 29 - Okay, this is a whole bucket of cute.
     There has been much back channel chatter about my nesting momma who has taken over my hot tub. 
     Thomas just sent me the cutest damn link I've ever seen.  It's a momma screech owl in Austin on a live feed with her babies.  She's been screeching at them this morning. 
     Just thought you might enjoy a grin this morning.

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April 29 - Y'all, there has to be some kind of medication for this disease.  Talk about Ground Zero of Idiocy.

 

     Michele Bachmann attributing flu pandemics to Democratic presidents. 

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter," said Bachmann. "And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

     Michelle Bachmann is scientific proof of the chemical reaction when you combine stoopid with crazzzy.  The last swine flu outbreak was in 1976.  Jimmie Carter wasn't President then.  A Republican was. 
     Keep talking, Michelle.  Keep talking.

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April 29 - Thank you, Jim Morin ---

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April 29 - Okay, so everybody else has swine flu, but here in southeast Texas, we have swamp flu ---

     Click the little one to get it in PDF format.  It's just wet here, Bub. 
     Our weather here is either drought or flood.  We don't have any nice spring showers like regular folks do. 
     We have names for different kinds of rain.  This one is called an anvil mover. 

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April 28 - In answer to Rush Limbaugh's claim that Barack Obama gave swine flu to Mexico ---

New York -- (PTSD News) -- The World Health Organization has called it a “public health emergency of international concern." The swine flu virus has already infected millions in the United States, sparking worldwide alarm.

The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced on Tuesday that they have traced the origin of the flu to talk show host Rush Limbaugh. “This is extremely troubling,” said Sarah Tinsdale of the CDC, “as Limbaugh has contact with millions of Americans every day.”

Doctors say the symptoms of swine flu are getting hot under the collar with fever, the sudden inability to think for yourself, lack of appetite for the truth and diarrhea of the mouth.

“One minute I started sneezing,” said Roger Wombat of Hickory, North Carolina, “and the next minute I said I wanted President Obama to fail.”

     Read it all and giggle at the slightly chubby Rush.

     Look, I just don't get it.  I'm not getting excited about swine flu.  Best I can understand, 8 people in Texas have gotten sick - none of them any worse than a hangover.  Hell, I'm far more worried about bull riding or tractor pulls at this point.

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April 28 - No link yet, but I have it on good word that Arlen Specter is switching to the Democratic Party.

Bingo!

     Sorry that I had to drop and run with the news, but I had an appointment.  On the way there, I heard it was official.  Thanks to Pardner for the heads up straight from DeeCee.  I like knowing things first!

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April 28 - From my Elizabeth.  How swine flu is spread---

     And just in case you do get swine flu, here's some music to cure you ---

 

     And I do not need no sass from my kids about liking John Mayer a little bit. 

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April 27 - As we all celebrate the First 100 Days of Barack Obama, let us not forget what we left behind.
     Those bozos cut funding for flu pandemic preparedness. 
     Okay, dammit, that settles it.  Only Democrats get the flu shot. 

Well, as it turns out, volcano monitoring wasn't the only worthwhile public safety program that was deemed extravagant in the stimulus package, funding for pandemic preparation was axed as well.

     And as if that wasn't enough to remind us of GOP incompetence ---

All of this is playing out at a time when HHS nominee sits on the sidelines, her nomination held up at the behest of pro-life organizations who want to paint her as the "Abortion Queen." The hold up is pointless - merely delaying the inevitable for "another week." Maybe the swine flu would be good enough to wait!

     I heard somewhere this morning that only 28% of the country now identifies themselves as Republican.  Shame on them.  All that shows is that 28% of the country is dumber than dog dump.

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April 27 - Texas Governor Rick Perry hearts Washington, DeeCee. 

AUSTIN – Rick Perry has railed against Washington, but when it comes to campaign cash, the governor has raised far more than rival Kay Bailey Hutchison from the nation's capital.

Perry has collected $2.7 million from Washington since becoming governor – four times more than Hutchison's $670,000 from Washington during the same period, a Dallas Morning News analysis finds.

The money has come from political communities, lobbyists, individuals and interest groups.

     He can't secede - it would cut off his money lifeline!
     The boy is a bundle of hypocrisy, ain't he?

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April 27 - My friend Sam from Pearland finally and rightfully has his own newspaper column.  The Alvin Sun is doing View From the Right and Left in their paper. 
     I listed a link over to the left under Dandy Links because this is something you might want to check out weekly.  Sam's a smart guy (who also happens to have the coolest wife in a seven zip code area) and he also writes well.
     Almost as important, the crazy loony who write the right side column is so damn entertaining.  This week he says that Barack Obama is the worst president ever.  However, from his writing, I suspect that his memory isn't the only thing that's short. 
     Check it out and leave some comments for Sam!

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April 26 - Holy cow!  Somebody has conked Govenor Rick Perry in the head and the poor boy is acting ditzier than usual.  He's certainly scared witless about swine flu.

The CDC presently has teams out in Mexico, California and Texas, where Governor Rick Perry has requested the group send 37,430 doses of Tamiflu, an anti-flu medicine that thus far has proven effective against the new strain.

     Wheeeee.... Perry's love/hate of the federal government is a new amusement park ride. 
     So, the federal government is awful, huh, Rick?  So why don't you go on over to the Walgreens in Del Rio and mix up some Tamiflu so we don't have to depend on the horrible federal government for help in a crisis?
     Wow, what a total turn around!
     Look, I know that Perry liked it better in 1860, but maybe somebody should sneak up to the Gov and whisper in his ear that the population in Texas has grown some since then.  Honey, I live in a town with 12,000 people and after we get first shot at the Tamiflu, there might not be enough left for Dallas.  And we will get the first shot, right?
     Best I can figure, Perry figures he can win the Governor primary race with 37,430 votes.

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April 24 - In case you've been wondering why I've been a bit testy lately, I cannot get into my hot tub.  That makes me cranky.
     That's right, Miss Momma has taken over our hot tub.

     In case you can't see what's in the smack dab middle of my pretty fern, here she is ---

     And she ain't having none of my close proximity.  So, for the next few weeks, we'll give her wide berth.

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April 24 - I am pleasantly surprised when one of my friends from a foreign state reminds me that Texas has not cornered the market on goofy politicians.       
     Take New York, where my friend Maureen lives, for example. 
     There is an ongoing investigation of the city’s policy on fixing parking tickets. Albany City Treasurer Betty Barnette had a light-bulb moment when she was asked to reveal copies of tickets dismissed in 2008.

The city treasurer has rejected lawmakers' request for copies of forgiven parking tickets, citing potential violations of federal protections of private medical records and the chilling effect disclosure could have.

But the explanation left Common Council leaders, who insist the so-called HIPAA privacy law does not apply to the treasurer's office, baffled and the council president vowing to sue if it necessary.

     Thankfully, Texas has the Whorehouse HIPAA act or else the City of Austin would have to release Miss Betty’s entire client list while the Legislature is in session. 

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April 24 - I hate to be the one to break the news to the Republicans ... well, that's just a big ole lie because I flat love rubbing sand in their faces ... but your tea parties didn't work.
     Sand in your faces, Silly People.

Obama's job approval stands at 63%, while 26% disapprove of the way he is handling his job as president. His approval rating is up slightly from March (59%).

     Okay, so I'm not saying that the tea parties were a total failure and completely backfired on the goofy people who were there .... no, wait, that's exactly what I'm saying.
     For example, here's a photo of one of our Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club members at our local tea party ---
     Look, I'm not trying to be mean, but I am offering just a little constructive criticism.
      Jeanie, you're wearing tea bags for earrings, and you want us to take you seriously?  You want us to let you govern the most important aspects of our lives?  You want us to trust you with our children, our sick, our maimed, our grandma, our our hungry, our foreign policy?  Honey, I wouldn't trust you to blacktop my road. 
     Plus, have you ever considered this?  What if Sweet Jesus comes back and there you are standing around with tea bags hanging on your face.  Honey, I dunno about you, but I don't want to meet Sweet Jesus with explainin' to do.  Your only hope for any human dignity at all would be if Sweet Jesus has a cup of hot water, and I'm not willing to count on that. 
     So, Darlin', if I won't let some guy at a football game with a rainbow wig make decisions about my life, I sure the heck ain't gonna let some chick who accessories with tea bags run my government.
     And that's my theory about why the tea parties were a bust.  You gotta admit, it's a better theory than the talking heads on teevee have.

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April 23 - Oh cripes, Cooter and his AK47 hunting rifle are headed to Washington, DeeCee.
     My friend Deb asks, "I wonder what the fluffy white boys would say if anyone else decided to do this?"
     How 'bout a One Million Pissed Off PMS Broads marching on Cooter's doublewide armed to the hilt?  You know, like Cooter, they have had enough and need to show it! 

 

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April 23 - We get entertaining email ---

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April 23 - Oh, Lord.  (Momma, don't watch this.  It has some bad words in it.)

 

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April 23 - Just when we almost got over Texas Republican Congresscritter Randy Neugebauer asking the Federal Elections Commission if he could use campaign funds to rent himself his own yacht with, we discover that the FEC is investigating him for something entirely unrelated to that.  (The FEC report in pdf format.)
     Here, kiddos, is where we learn the lesson that when you're doing something unseemly, try to stay as invisible as possible.  Bank robbers should not wear a shirt with "Your Friendly Neighborhood Bank Robber" on the front and wave their arms around to gain attention while escaping.
     Apparently Randy didn't listen when they taught this lesson at Congress school.
     Asking about your yacht when you're taking questionable funds from the US-Cuba Democracy PAC, which is undoubtedly a Communist organization, don't make you the brightest twinkling light on the Christmas tree.  
     Randy, give the US-Cuba Democracy PAC, which is obviously a same-sex marriage proponent, their money back.  The US-Cuba Democracy PAC, which is solidly pro-abortion and anti-gun, isn't playing by the rules.  I know you need money for yacht fuel, but the US-Cuba Democracy PAC, a Godless bunch of Philistine Palin-haters, isn't who you should be asking.
     We'll see to it that the local papers in Lubbock and Abilene get this information, too, from my worldwide network of chatterboxes.

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April 23 - Proof that hunting is not a sport --

(Click the little one to see the big one.)
     Thanks to Mark for the heads-up.

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April 23 - Okay, dudes and dudettes, you've heard me talking about how Texas' own congressvarmint Smokin' Joe Barton has been smokin' the wrong stuff. 
     Now there's living proof.

 

     Smokin' Joe asks Dr. Steven Chu to explain two billion years of geology and physics in six seconds, using words that Smokin' Joe can understand.  He wants Dr. Chu to say that Alaska was the Garden of Eden and that Eve rode a dinosaur to see King James about that Holy Bible thing. 
     Now as if it ain't enough to look like an idiot on teevee, Smokin' Joe goes on to brag about it, by twittering, "I seemed [sic] to have baffled the Energy Sec with basic question - Where does oil come from?"
     Well, Joe, it also seemed that we can explain it to you but we can't understand it for you. 
     Psssst - Joe, over here.  Listen up, Babe.  Dr. Chu laughed at your question not because he was baffled, but because you are.  Take the lampshade off your head and go sit in the corner. 

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April 22 - Our friend Fenway Fran sent us an article from the foreign state of Oregon with a suggestion about where Governor Rick Perry and Congressman Ron Paul might take their bad self when they decide to leave the union ---

Rep. Ron Paul, R-Texas, agreed this week that, after all, secession was just what the American colonies did in 1776, and the option should still be available.

     The writer, a Mr. David Sarasohn, has a suggestion that Rick Perry that will keep you grinning all day.  Secede or simply relocated?

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April 22 - Okay, let me see if I have this right -- Democrats can win the Governorship of Texas if we run a Republican on the Democratic ticket?

     Former US Congressman Martin Frost has an editorial in Politico today on the state of the 2010 gubernatorial race in Texas. His thesis: Gov. Rick Perry will divide the Republican Party in his primary fight against Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison next year.
     Frost guesses Perry will likely win but in the process, open the door for a moderate Democrat to win in November. Frost then pivots to talk up Tom Schieffer of Fort Worth as the best moderate Democrat to challenge Perry next year.
     "The biggest obstacles facing Schieffer are that he has been out of Texas politics for a number of years and that some Democrats may not be willing to forgive his service in the Bush administration," Frost writes. "On the other hand, some independents and some Republicans who don’t like Perry may find that reassuring."

     I dunno.  I guess I just don't get it.  That hasn't worked the other 280 zillion times we've tried it.  I mean, it didn't work for Nick Lampson, now did it?
     And shock of all shockers, it didn't work for Martin Frost. 
     Both of them ran by saying, "Heck, y'all, I'm just like a Republican," and both of them got their rumps handed to them on a two-bit platter.  And I can't say I'm all that sad about it. 
     Given a choice between voting for a Democrat who acts like a Republican or voting for the real deal Republican, Republicans will always vote for the real deal Republican.  When the fool tarnation are Democrats going to learn that? 
     And here's my free damn opinion:  we do not need Republican votes.  We get to identify our votes and get them to the polls, dammit.   
     I am soooo tired of voting for Republicans who call themselves Democrats.  I ain't voting for Schieffer.  I ain't voting for Kinky either.  Somebody, anybody, find me a real damn Democrat to run for Governor. 
     Martin Frost can kiss my big blue butt.

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April 21 - Is there a way we can make Peggy Noonan turn in her ta-tas? 
     No, I'm serious.  She should not be allowed wear ta-tas with an attitude like this:

Peggy Noonan went even further, articulating a position that upends George Santayana’s famous quote: “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

“Some things in life need to be mysterious,” said Noonan, adding, “Sometimes you need to just keep walking.”

She also added:

“It’s hard for me to look at a great nation issuing these documents and sending them out to the world and thinking, oh, much good will come of that.”

     So you just turn your head, Babe?  Is that how you handle torture and violation of the law?
     Sorry, turn 'um in.  Just go to your closest Victoria's Secret and turn those suckers in.  You're obviously finished using them and maybe we could loan them out to someone who gives a flyin' flip. 
     Look, Peggy, God gave us ta-tas so we could care.  That's why we have them.  They're like a badge of .... I dunno, good sense and caring. 
     You ain't using them.  Turn them in.
     Good Lord, how much kool-aid did that woman drink?

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April 21 - As if Rick Perry and Tom DeLay yammering about Texas seceding wasn't enough to embarrass us, now Dr. Ron Paul is hammering the final nail in the coffin so that the rest of American will really, really want us to secede ---

The good news for Gov. Rick Perry is: Somebody besides Tom Delay agrees with him that Texas could -- Perry never said should -- secede from the United States.

The bad news is that it's Texas Congressman Ron Paul (R-Surfside), who received only 5 percent of the vote in his home state when he ran for the Republican president nomination last year.

Paul issued a new YouTube video Sunday calling secession "very much an American principle" and criticizing the idea of "one nation . . . indivisible" as something thought up by a "socialist."

     Oh cripes, I thought Republicans liked the Pledge of Allegiance a whole bunch, but now they're saying it was written by ---- quiver, shake --- a socialist!
     I dunno, y'all, one day they call me a Communist, the next day I'm a Fascist, and on Tuesdays, it appears I'm a Socialist. 
     They have no idea what any of these words mean, but they know they're bad, bad, bad.  I think they should just start calling us do-do heads because at least they know what that means, and it's a whole lot more mature than just labeling anything you don't like "socialism." 
     I figure at the dinner table at night Republican Ralph says, "Tootie, do not serve spinach again.  It's socialist."  Or, "Ralphie, leaving your underdrawers on the floor reeks of Fascism." 
     You know, if these guys don't shuddup, we won't have to worry about seceding - the rest of the country is going to kick us out.
     Jeff Danziger has the last word --

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April 20 - Oops, I guess they haven't heard that baring false witness is right up there with hoochy-koochy on God's Don't List.
     Most of you know about my local Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club, where they proudly serve up homemade hypocrisy on a plate.
     Okay, that's not their real name - their real name is the Spirit of Freedom Republican Women's Club.  But, the only spirit they've got is the holy one, so I renamed them several years ago.  It stuck, and even other Republicans call them The Belles. 
     They have all accepted Jesus Christ as their own personal weapon. 
     I offer proof of that from their latest newsletter (pdf format), which they call The Lifted Lamp Newsletter and no, I am not kidding.  Every page is brimming with very un-Christian negative comments that would make Sweet Baby Jesus cry.
     But please give special attention to page 3 for the Scariest Quote of the Day from none other than, of course, Nancy Pelosi --- 

When asked how these new tax dollars would be spent, she replied: “We need to raise the standard of living of our poor, unemployed and minorities. For example, we have an estimated 12 million illegal immigrants in our country who need our help along with millions of unemployed minorities. Stock market windfall profits taxes could go a long way to guarantee these people the standard of living they would like to have as ‘Americans’.”

      Never happened.  Nancy never said that.    
      Newsletter Editor and Infamously Lazy Person Lisa Rickert apparently didn't lift her lamp far enough to stinkin' see what's right in front of her on the electric internet machine. 
     You know what's really scary?  That somebody lets these women near computer machinery.  That's what's scary.
     Now I'm going to ask that they act like Christians and confess their sin of sloth by apologizing to Mrs. Pelosi in their next newsletter.
     I wouldn't bet a pair of shoes that don't fit that they'll do it.  I've asked them to apologize to me before and they wouldn't do it.
     Apologies are apparently tools of the devil.

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April 20 - Okay, so I've been dilly dallying around politics for a while, but this has never ever happened to me before.
     It'll take a tad of explainin' for you folks from foreign states.  Texas Republican Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson has announced that she's not going to seek re-election.  She's gonna run for Governor because even Republicans have noticed that Rick Perry is an idiot. And, as a matter of fact, they didn't even have to look twice to take notice of that.
     This will leave an open Senate seat in Texas and we have more Democrats running for that seat than Big Bend has rocks. 
     One of those persons is Bill White, the Mayor of Houston.
     Bill used to be the State Democratic Party Chairman, but then he decided he wanted to be mayor and started playing footsies with Republicans.  For a while there, you couldn't pay Bill money to endorse a Democrat.
     Well, he's back.  Honey, you don't need tumbleweed to know which way the wind is blowing, so Bill's a Democrat again. 
     Running for Senate takes a lot of money, I suspect and I also suspect that someone at my house looks like they'd give Bill some money.
     However, I have no idea who that person would be because this is the envelope that arrived at my house for A Tribute to Mayor Bill White to "support his campaign for United States Senate." 

 

You know the drill.  Click the little one to see the big one.

 

     Since the cheapest ticket is $1,000, I say it's to Bubba.  Bubba says it's to me.  Truman says who the hell is Bill White.
     In all my years of politics I never got a $1,000 fundraising request to Occupant.  Well, I don't know that for a fact because it doesn't even say Occupant.
     So, I figure I'll send a check but not sign it! That seems like the appropriate response to me.  Or maybe the deal is that I could go to the event but I have to wear a paper bag over my head?
     The invitation itself is real nice and makes it very, very clear that this fundraiser is for Bill's Senate race.

 

Do that clicking thing again over on this dealie ---

     Now all this wouldn't seem so danged strange if I hadn't seen a file over at the Federal Elections Commission last week - Wednesday to be exact - where Bill White's campaign treasurer is asking for an advisory opinion about when Ole Bill can start raising money for the senate race.  Here's a PDF of that request.
     You'll note that the request is dated April 15th, which I kinda figure would be after this invitation was printed since it was mailed on April 16th.  I mean, not that they took a whole mess of care with the whoile printing thing, but you probably need to wait at least a day for the ink to dry. 
     Humm .... you ask for an advisory opinion after you've already planned the event? I'm wondering is this is one of those "it's better to ask forgiveness than permission" things. 
     This whole fundraiser thing don't seem real tightly wrapped to me.  I mean, I might be giving him money that I'm not supposed to yet. 
     Like, I said, this has never happened to me before and I hope to hell it doesn't happen again because we need to win this senate seat. 

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April 19 - Lord knows that our District Attorney John Healey doesn't need anyone else talking about what an idiot he is, but he just makes it almost impossible not to.  He's very good at taunting people into to saying, "What the hell is John thinking?" 
     He's having a political fundraiser.  He sent out cute invitations with a "Grand Slam" theme.  You know the drill: click the little one to get a big one.
     Yes, this is Texas.  And yes, that is Fenway Park. 
     What the hell is John thinking? Why a Texas District Attorney would put Fenway Park on a fundraiser invitation, I have no idea.  Maybe John's hitting all his grand slams outta state because he sure the heck ain't doing it here.
     Healey has sent a very clear message that his office is being used for political prosecutions, so any fundraisers he has are two click below extortion.  Heck, I'll probably even send him $25 - that's sure cheaper than a trip to the Grand Jury.

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April 18 -  Tom, Tom, Tom, ..... you're insane and your book in the background is now selling on the dollar table.

 

     Thank you, Tom, for making all Republicans look nuts.  We appreciate your help.
     The long version is here just in case you can't get your fill of nutty, with the special Rush Limbaugh treat added at no extra cost to you.

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April 18 - Thank you Don Wright and Drew Shenaman.

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April 18 - In case you weren't looking, the Texas State Lege just whacked Governor Rick Perry upside the head. 

House members virtually wiped out Gov. Rick Perry's office budget Friday in order to help veterans and the mentally ill.

With little debate, the House on a voice vote approved erasing 96 percent of the nearly $24 million that budget writers had recommended for Perry's office operation over the next two years.

Some Democrats cast the House's move as a rebuke of the governor's recent comments about Texas seceding from the Union.

"That's the headline: 'Two days after governor says we ought to secede, House zeroes out the governor's budget,' " said Appropriations Committee vice chairman Richard Raymond, D-Laredo.

     No word yet on whether the whack left Perry with a lick of sense.  Odds are it didn't.  That would take a brain transplant and daily IQ infusions.

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April 18 - You gotta love Barney Frank.  You just do.

While I had him on the phone, I threw out a question about Texas Gov. Rick Perry's suggestion that his state might secede over Democrats' tax policies.

"I won't comment on him for the same reason I won't comment on Elvis sightings," he replied.

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April 16 - Well, bless his heart, Texas Republican Senator John Cornyn has got himself tied up so dandy that he looks like a pretzel factory.
     First he says that the economic stimulus package is a tool of the devil, Adolph Hitler, four guys in a cave in Guatemala, and helpful parrots of Somalian pirates. 
     Next he says, Gimme some of dat there cash, Bud." 

Another leading opponent of the stimulus bill, Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, warned Monday that border-crossing sites in his state are being stiffed by the General Services Administration, which will dole out $300 million in stimulus funds for land border ports nationwide. "I'm not going to stay quiet if Texas is getting shortchanged," Cornyn told the San Antonio Express-News.

     Crazy Cornyn is even issuing "warnings" about getting his hands on some of that money!  What's he gonna do?  Pee in their swimming pools? 
     So he's not going to stay quiet, huh?  Does this mean yodeling?  Wooooooo.
     Are he and Rick Perry gonna start a motorcycle gang and start painting rightwing graffiti on the federal building in Dallas?
     I do not know what's wrong with the guy, but what ever it is, it's got to be difficult to pronounce.

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April 16 - Okay, so Texas Governor Rick Perry is threatening to secede from the union. 

     That is total caca del toro.
     He's putting on a show for the rightwingers and using what was formerly the great state of Texas to do it.
     I'll make a deal with Governor Goofy:  He can secede and take the Republican cities of Texas with him.  We get to keep Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, Galveston, and the western part of Corpus Christi - all Democratic cities.  He has to take Abilene, Lufkin, and Amarillo. 
     Our tax base will be industry, imports, and commerce.
     His tax base will be land, goats, and trees.
     Good luck on that, Rick!

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April 16 - We get news updates about Randy's yacht --

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April 15 - Okay, here's a story.
     When there were wild little boys at my house, the two oldest spent a summer afternoon with some of their grade school friends making tee-shirts for their "Club." 
     The youngest, who was 3, wanted a tee-shirt, too.  They cheerfully made him one.  It said "Pest" on the front in big red letters.  They told him that it said, "I'm so cool."  He didn't know.  He wore it all day, ever so proudly.  They roared with laughter when he wasn't looking.
     I didn't have the heart to tell him.  Besides, I knew it would be over in a day and he would forget about the shirt by tomorrow.  He just wanted so badly to be in their club.
     Do teabaggers know what that means?  Or, is Fox News and Rush Limbaugh roaring with laughter at what they've done?

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April 15 - David just sent an early photo from Fort Bend's tea party.

     Oh!  So Rush came to ours!

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April 15 - Well, it appears that Randy Neugebauer and his yacht are getting some national attention.  And not a minute too soon!
     It appears that my friend Delores has taken matters into her own hands ---

Hey Susan,
 

I talked to my friends in Lubbock.  We can't decide where he is gonna keep his boat.  He has two options:  the playa lake next to Walmart or Buffalo Springs Lake.  Of course, both depend on if there is water in either of them.   He can always just put it up on some bricks and charge a dollar admittance.  West Texans would love to see what a yacht looks like!!!

 

Dolores

      Now, Delores is not a woman to trifle with.  My bet is that she's already selling tickets to tour Randy's yacht.  Personally, I like the up on bricks idea - that's a long tradition in Texas for useless transportation. 

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April 14 - Okay, this is the best Republican story you'll hear all week.  The best.
     Randy Neugebauer wants the FEC to tell him it's okay for his campaign to pay him for the use of his yacht to raise money for his campaign.
     And people think Somali pirates are dangerous on the water!  Ho boy, they ain't got nothing on Neugebauer.  Get that boy an eye patch and bandana for his head - he knows how to steal while afloat!
     No seriously, I'm not making this up.  (It opens a pdf.)
     No seriously, he wants to rent his yacht to his campaign and make his campaign pay for it. And he wants his campaign contributors (read: special interests) to give him money while they're on board so that they can pay for it again.  Or maybe to buy him some of them fancy-pants yacht shoes or a shirt with a little alligator on it.  Or a captain's hat and a white coat with stripes on the sleeve.  Oh Photoshop, here I come!
     For you people from foreign states, Neugebauer is one of Tom DeLay's Redistricting Monkeys.  He's from West Texas - representing Abilene and Lubbock, you know - landlocked areas in the Texas damn desert.  And the dude's got a yacht.  That ain't gonna play real well in Abilene where they built a whole big Christian University just to pray for rain on Monday through Friday.
     I can hear the talk over at Fast Eddie's Ice House.  "Well hell, Bubba, I hope we get some rain today so that Ole Randy can float his fat yacht right up the dry creek bed to the county courthouse." 
     I'm telling ya - a bassboat would be pushing it with West Texas voters, but a yacht?  Oh, Randy Honey, you're going to hell. 

---

April 14 - I agree.  Rush Limbaugh cannot move to Texas because we don't have enough skanky hos, drug dealers, pork rinds, oversized desk chairs, or creep-only housing to support his daily needs.
     And the last damn thing we need in Texas is more hot air.  Hell, the average daily temperature went up 7 degrees when Rich Perry got elected Governor.  Another five degrees and we'll officially be hell.
     And that's not all: Tom DeLay smoked all the damn cigars.  We don't have anymore. 
     I'm telling you, Texas simply  doesn't have the resources to support another self-indulgent, hate mongering bozo.  We are officially over our legal limit on dudes so disgusting that they couldn't get laid at the chicken ranch with a hen under each arm and a $50 bill taped to their forehead. 
     We do not need any more far rightwing paranoid nuts. 
     Well, unless Ann Coulter wants to comes here.  That would bring us up to par on the skanky ho thing.

---

April 14 - He's making a list.  He's checking it twice.  He's gonna find out who's naughty and ....

Rep. Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.) puts the number of socialists in the House at 17.

"Some of the men and women I work with in Congress are socialists," Bachus told local government leaders on Thursday, according to the Birmingham News.

Bachus gave the specific number of House socialists when pressed later by a reporter.

     Bachus hasn't released the names of the 17, but has counted to 1 by naming Democratic Socialist and Proud Vermonter Bernie Sanders, thereby winning Bachus The Captain Obvious Award this month.
     Day-um, these wingnuts are getting more riled up than Somali pirates.

---

April 14 - There's news in the "That's Okay Boys, We'll Just Hold Our Breath" section ---

Unit 5 at W.A. Parish Electric Generating Station near Thompsons is being restarted after being shut down for maintenance, and is expected to emit excess particulates into the air during the procedure.

The report did not say when 649-megawatt coal-fired Unit 5 was taken off-line, but said only that it had been shut down for a maintenance outage. “Excess opacity emission may occur during the start-up procedure,” the report said.

On March 4, the Parish plant reported that Unit 5 reported opacity emissions that exceeded its air permit for six minutes, due to a “control system malfunction and inadvertent bypass of the opacity emission control system baghouse.”

Unit 5 also was shut down for maintenance earlier this year, and restarted March 2-3.

     And that's why we don't have an air monitoring system near Richmond.  Nobody really wants to know, what with a state park around the corner and new housing springing up like coils in a bad mattress. 
     I went outside yesterday and once again felt reassured that the air was very visible.  I do not trust air you can't see.

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April 13 - We get church signs ---

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April 13 - You know your Whole Foods is a tad too green when ---

     Lakewood area of Dallas, Texas.

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April 13 - You know. every now and then something comes along to brighten your day.
     I didn't happen here, but it could have.

WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish politician has criticized his local zoo for acquiring a "gay" elephant named Ninio who prefers male companions and will probably not procreate, local media reported Friday.

"We didn't pay 37 million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there," Michal Grzes, a conservative councilor in the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as saying.

"We were supposed to have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over females how will he produce offspring?" said Grzes, who is from the right-wing opposition Law and Justice party.

The head of the Poznan zoo said 10-year-old Ninio may be too young to decide whether he prefers males or females as elephants only reach sexual maturity at 14.

     Keep an eye out, because I figure that when the Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club hears about this, they'll have to send an ambassador to Poland to study the problem up close and to get the concession for a Law and Justice Party here. 
     You'll notice it wasn't a gay donkey.

---

April 11 - Well, we knew the bar would be raised on pandering, girl fights, and insanity when Republican Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson announced she was coming home to run against Republican Rick Perry for Governor. 
     Kay hopes to get the votes of the few remaining Republicans who don't think God planted dinosaur bones just to jack with us.  Rick hopes to get the votes of the Super DeLux Brand Christians and sissy boys.  It's gonna be a dandy show.
     And, lucky for us in the audience, it's already started.
     Rick Perry grabbed the jump ball and appeared on Glen Beck's show - the very same night Beck tried to get the men in the white coats to lead him away trussled-up in zip ties. 
     My friend Richard G. gets us up to date on the story with this link.
     It appears that Glen Beck decided to use that night to pour pretend-gasoline all over somebody on teevee.  No, seriously, they have it on tape.  Beck was upset about something Obama did, said, thought, imagined, dreamed, or that Glen Beck imagined Obama said, and being unable to find the words he needed to express his anger, Beck decided to demonstrate. 

 

     Well, immediately following this wacko episode comes something that stunned even Washington Monthly.  Texas Governor Rick Perry shows up and acts like pretending to set people afire while screaming like a banshee is perfectly natural behavior for an adult.

"Unfortunately, not captured in the video is what happened next, when Texas Gov. Rick Perry came on and Beck asked, 'Governor, you're regretting being on this program at this point, are you not, sir?' Perry responded, 'Not at all, Glenn Beck. I'm proud to be with you.'"

And that, in a nutshell, helps explain what's gone terribly wrong with conservative Republicans of late. Beck appears to be in desperate need of medication, and the chief executive of one of the nation's largest states is "proud" to appear on the show, just moments after Beck pretended to set a colleague on fire.

     Honey, Rick Perry will do anything to get re-elected.  He will pose as a gay cowboy (see above), or kiss Glen Beck's patootie.  All the same to Rick. 
     Damn, this is gonna be fun.

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April 11 - Well, my county has just qualified as the main exhibit at the Museum of Duck and Cover.
     With secret backroom meetings, we settled a federal complaint this week brought by the Bush (oh dear God, how did this happen?) Justice Department. 

The complaint, which was filed in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Texas, alleged Fort Bend County failed to implement an effective bilingual election program for Spanish-speaking voters in violation of provisions of the Voting Rights Act.

 

The county was also accused of preventing eligible voters from receiving assistance from the persons of their choice.

 

Additionally, the complaint alleged Fort Bend County failed to offer eligible voters in federal elections the use of provisional ballots, and it failed to provide provisional voters information on whether their provisional ballots were counted.

     The settlement also mentions that "the county has agreed to take steps to ensure those without a strong command of the English language will have equal access to the election process."
     Verdelia and I suspect that would have to include some redneck, knuckle draggin' interpreters, too, because the letters to the editor we've seen complaining about this settlement, hollerin' that the Meskins should learn to speak goldam English, are from people without "a strong command of the English language."  Okay, even a mild command.  I mean, cripes, letting these people vote without help is how we got Charlie Howard. 
     I just needed to say that out loud.
     The settlement, which local Republicans hate even worse than the thought of somebody having hoochy-koochy, was also about having Asian language interpreters, a demographic that the Texas Republican Party seems highly intent on angerin' up, what with Betty Brown and now this. 
     And, then to top it off - As we know, Republicans belong to a religion called Folks of the Convenient Scripture.  They only like those parts of the Good Book that match up with the Republican National Platform.  Yep, Exodus 22:21, "You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt."  Maybe we could get that interpreted into redneck for them as, "Lookie here, God says to be nice, dammit."
     But, to make this even more embarrassing, our county judge, you know, the one who bought himself "college" degrees from undergraduate to PhD but actually has no real college at all, displayed that fact for all to see in the Houston Chronicle.  His response is brought to you by the letters W, T, and F ----

County Judge Bob Hebert indicated the county was a reluctant participant in the settlement.

“It just requires us to do the things we are trying to do every day,” he said of the agreement. “We do not acknowledge that we violated the law. They complained we have. We agree that we are obligated to follow the Voting Rights Act in its entirety … but everything we agreed to are things that we thought we were doing.”

     No, no, no, Bob. You weren't doing it then.  That's why you have to do it now. If you say you're not going to change anything, the Justice Department will come back and take a hunk out of your rump. 
     Somebody, please, get this man an interpreter.  And a lick of sense while you're at it.

---

April 10 - Thank you, Clay Bennett --

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April 10 - Sybil reminds us that sometimes bad thing happen to worse people.  Smokin' Joe Barton is back in the news, and not in a bad way, unless, of course, Joe going broke is not your cup of tea ---

Texas Rep. Joe L. Barton ’s campaign reported losing $703,500 in the financial markets last year.

A large chunk of those stock market losses — $196,900 — were in shares of four companies that have a stake in the bills handled by the House Energy and Commerce Committee, where Barton is the top Republican.

Barton is one of a handful of House members whose campaign accounts are heavily invested in stock and bond markets, and, like many other investors, his campaign savings took a pounding when the stock market crashed.

     Now I'm not saying that karma made the market crash just to get even with Joe, but I'm gonna growl at him when I see him just in case that's exactly what happened.

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April 10 - We get good ideas!

And a Easter laugh from Kary ---

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April 9 - Okay, it's settled.  If I ever start a Stoopid Ranch, I'm gonna use Texas Republican State Representative Betty Brown as breeding stock.
    Brown, who left fifty of her meager IQ points and all of her good sense sitting on the dresser at home yesterday morning, explain in laymen's terms why Texas Republicans want a voter ID bill that solves a problem we don't have.

In a puzzling move which she insisted isn't about race, a Republican state lawmaker in Texas said in House testimony Wednesday that Asian Americans should change their names to ones that are “easier for Americans to deal with.”

     No, seriously. 
     And God bless her for her late entry into the showmanship category, she kept on.  She just went right ahead and blurted out everything the Republican caucus had been discussing behind closed doors up until now.
     Speaking to Ramey Ko, a representative of the Organization of Chinese Americans who was testifying against the Voter ID bill, which the Texas Republicans last chance to suppress any votes that aren't within their demographics, Betty Brown said ----

“Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” Brown said.

     I wonder if it's too late for Betty Brown to adopt the name Hateful Old Bimbo Witch, you know, a name we could "deal with more readily here." 

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April 9 - Peeps!  Everybody loves peeps and peep contests - especially when they are sponsored by National Geographic!

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April 8 - Wooo ... woo... our friend Sam from Pearland now has his own newspaper column!  You'll want to follow it because Sam is one funny guy and has the guts to be a stand-up liberal in a Republican gulag. 
     Y'all send some comments to support Sam!

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April 8 - Y'all, we're having company!

Glenn Beck will be on hand for the San Antonio Tax Day Tea Party in front of the Alamo on April 15. Beck is tentatively slated as a main speaker for the tea party which is scheduled to start at 6PM.

The theme of the tea party is the repeal the federal pork spending and tax cuts. There are already more than 500 tea parties scheduled around the nation for tax day.

     How the hell did we get so lucky? 
     The Alamo?  Doesn't that overly-hormoned weeping fool know that the ghost of William B. Travis is gonna give him something to cry about? 
     As a fifth generation Texan on my Momma's side, I happen to know a thing or two about the Alamo.  The men at the Alamo were willing to die for their fellow Texians, but Glenn Beck and his crowd aren't even willing to pay their fair share of taxes to clean up a mess they themselves made. 
     I'm telling you people - Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh are the modern day Moses Rose, and the ghosts of Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett ain't gonna be none too pleased about these selfish, greedy, sons of motherless goats invading their tomb. 
     I dunno.  I might have to skip the event in Sugar Land and head on over to San Antonio to defend the honor of good men who founded Texas without the help of the religious right or teevee political evangelists.
     Look, Glenn Beck is just the Jimmy Swaggart of politics.  He needs to go build an Ignorance Theme Park and stay the hell outta San Antonio.

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April 7 - Kellybee is back!

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April 7 - You know, I like thinking Texas is best, especially when it comes to Bimbo Republican Governors.  But, as my friend Steve points out, the bar has just been set higher. 

RENO, Nev. – First lady Dawn Gibbons accuses Gov. Jim Gibbons in divorce papers of having extramarital affairs with a former Playboy magazine model and another woman to whom he sent hundreds of text messages last year. The Republican governor has been untruthful about his "infidelity" with the two women, his estranged wife says in a divorce filing which was unsealed Monday by a court order in Washoe County Family Court.

     Well, at least it's Nevada.  I mean, think how embarrassing it would be if it was Idaho or Oregon or somewhere with a low supply of floozie wimmen. 

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April 6 - Click this.  You just gotta.  No, seriously, you gotta.  I can't even begin to describe it.  Click it.  You will not be sorry.
     Thanks to Susan from San Francisco for the heads-up.
     I'm telling you, click it and you'll thank me all day.  There's no sound or nothing dirty, so you can click it at work when no one's looking. 
     Oh mercy, this is the best thing since Sarah Palin in the oval office.  Maybe better.  Hurry, click it.

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April 6 - Oh good Lord, is this nincompoop still on teevee?

CNBC's Jim Cramer decided Friday to 'speculate on Washington' -- specifically, the Employee Free Choice Act. He says he has no doubt the bill, which makes it easier for workers to form unions, will pass the House, which "might as well be Nancy Pelosi's own little Politburo." He also calls Democrats "Bolsheviks" before correcting himself. Cramer goes on to claim that passing the legislation would set us back "who knows how many months" in fighting the recession.

     Is Jon Stewart gonna have to take him to the woodshed again? 
     I mean, you'd think one trip to Humiliation City would be enough for the guy.  Bless his heart, he even spent the night there in a cheap hotel with drunk people in the room next door, playing polka music real loud and herding goats by the air conditioning vent. 

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April 6 - Of all the bilkers, con artists, and skanks in the world, of course the one from Texas is going to be the most colorful --

Flamboyant financier 'Sir' Allen Stanford expects to be indicted by a federal grand jury in the next two weeks, he told ABC News in an interview in which he cried, denied wrongdoing and threatened to punch his questioner in the mouth.

     He's a tent revival preacher minus the religion.  You really gotta see this.  You can find an Allen Stanford on any used car lot in Texas.  You'll notice the background music is "Night and Day."  Uh huh.
     Well, let's hope he doesn't lawyer up and shuddup, because this might be some of the best entertainment we've seen in a log time. 

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April 6 - I'm almost certain this is in The Rulebook somewhere:  Do not get into a fight with Barney Frank when the teevee cameras are rolling.
     Another Texas Congressvarmint, John Culbertson, needs to slap some bread over his ears and call himself a fried egg sandwich.

 

Earlier in the bonus debate, Mr. Frank mercilessly dismissed complaints by Representative John A. Culberson, Republican of Texas, that lawmakers were not given enough time to read the legislation.

“The bill under consideration is 5-1/2 pages long,” he said. “I believe even the gentleman from Texas could have read it by now, and if the gentleman from Texas has not been able to read this 5-1/2-page bill, I will talk long. Even if you read slow, you’ll get it done.”

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April 6  - Well, Texas Congressvarmint Smokin' Joe Barton has learned the sleaze lesson well from Tom DeLay.

The top Republican on the House Energy and Commerce Committee operates a tax-exempt foundation that has raised donations from the industries his committee oversees, while giving less than a quarter of the foundation's money to charitable causes, tax records show.

Rep. Joe L. Barton's foundation spent more on staff, fundraising and other overhead from 2005 to 2007 - nearly $130,000 in all - than it did on its single $90,000 contribution to a charitable cause, according to its most recent Internal Revenue Service filings. The congressman's daughter-in-law runs the foundation as an unpaid executive director.

And then ----

"These charitable contributions allow those with special interests to both curry favor with lawmakers and look selfless, while pursuing a calculated, selfish agenda," Ms. Seligman said. "By pressuring companies with business before his committee to make charitable contributions, and then making sure those donations cannot be tracked - but are still credited to his foundation - Mr. Barton has found a way to a new low in Washington. And that is saying something."

     Now it's interesting that this story comes from The Washington Times, which is kinda the Fox News of ink and paper.  This ain't "the libruls" going after Smokin' Joe. 
     And now you know how Smokin' Joe got his name - everything he does involves smoke and mirrors. 
     And here's the smoke ---

After Mr. Barton's foundation pledged to raise $500,000 to help build a $3 million regional kitchen and offices for the Meals-on-Wheels program in Johnson and Ellis counties, companies with interests before Mr. Barton's committee stepped forward.

Future Energy Holdings, formerly known as TXU Energy, which supplies electricity to more than 2 million Texas customers, and Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad (BNSF), which delivers coal to 60 power plants in 28 states, including Texas, came up with $35,000 for the project in the foundation's name, said Meals-on-Wheels Executive Director Vinsen Faris.

Mr. Faris said that while none of the donated money came directly from the Barton foundation, it still counted toward the lawmaker's pledge. Mr. Barton's hometown newspaper, the Ennis Daily News, reported last week that the veteran lawmaker was "the special guest at a VIP Reception" because he had made the first donation to the Meals-on-Wheels program.

     And the mirrors?  Republicans will excuse and even praise what he's done because, dammit, Joe Barton is their crook!

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April 5 - Good friend and long-time commenter here, Sam from Pearland, is once again featured in the letters to the editors at the Chronicle. 

Once again our Republican-controlled Legislature has proved the old adage that its concern for life starts with conception and ends with birth (“Stem Cell Research Hits Snag,” Page A1, Tuesday). By effectively crippling stem cell research, they will take away a chance for recovery for millions of current and future stroke, Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease victims. No tissue is being created for this research, only tissue which would eventually be destroyed anyway is being used. In addition, areas where this research would have been conducted will have this revenue and employment boon jerked away from them just at a time when we are in an economic downturn created in large part by the actions of this same Republican Party. But then, reality has never been this group’s strong suit. When Republicans gather as a group in Austin, their collective IQ seems to drop about 30 points.

Sam Davis, Pearland

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April 4 - Kathy reminded me just how much fun it would be to have the Palin family in the White House.

Todd Palin’s half-sister was arrested Thursday after police say she broke into a Wasilla home for the second time this week to steal money.

Palin is the husband of Gov. Sarah Palin. He declined comment.

Diana Palin, 35, entered a home near Wasilla’s Multi-Use Sports Complex and attempted to steal cash from the owner’s bedroom, police said.

She also broke into the same house on Tuesday and stole $400, they said.

     Maybe the next time Miss Righteous Sarah needs someone to pray with, she can look to her sister-in-law. 

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April 3 - Thank you Jim Morin.

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April 2 - Oh, no. 

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April 2 - And since this appears to be Susan's Friends day, let's include what Carl sent ---

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April 2 - And my friend M.B. sent this ---

"The Republican Party is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."

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April 2 - My friend Jane sent me and email she got from John Cornyn.  It starts out ---

This week, I will vote against the massive $3.6 trillion budget proposed by President Barrack Obama ...

     When the Austin American Statesman printed the email as a op-ed piece, they corrected John's mistake. 
     But the biggest mistake Little Bad John made was by sending this sucker to a women with a triple-digit IQ. 
     My friend Jane emailed back with this-

Your reason for voting against the budget are lame red herrings. How disgraceful that you use the pregnancy center to support your argument. Yes, "up to 10 of the center's largest donors would see their taxes go up under the president's plan." Huh? 10? Ten? Ten donors? How about the others? They'll see their taxes go DOWN. REDUCE. LOWER. 

Honestly, John, you don't even know what it's like to be middle class, let alone poor. You don't know what it's like to have to make the decision between diapers and eating. It's all a marketing ploy for you. 

Obama's budget WILL RELIEVE the MIDDLE CLASS and provide jobs.  

I am a small business owner. In fact, I own TWO small businesses, and I WELCOME Obama's budget.  

STOP being AGAINST everything. Think for a change.

     Honey, if John thinks, his fringe will fall off. 
     It's just that simple.  The only thing that's holding that stuff on is ignorance. 

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April 2 - Just when you think that Republican cannot get any crazier, they raise the wacky bar.
     Take a look at this. (PDF)
     For those at work, this is a flyer made by a local group called TEA (Taxed Enough Already) who is holding a rally on April 15th in front of Sugar Land City Hall. They believe that Barack Obama and the brand new Democratic Congress are totally and completely responsible for the national debt, earmarks, illegal immigration, and - just for good measure - child pornography. 
     Short term memory loss is a tragic and embarrassing disease.  There are several scientific terms used to describe it:  Goofballs.  Dinky dogs.  Insane Elaine.  Republican.
     Now I would be highly inclined to attend this rally with a sign reminding them where we got this national debt and which party made earmarks famous. 
     But, these people scare the peewahdoddle outta me.  They beat up elderly women just for fun  in front of the same Sugar Land City Hall where they are meeting.  They own air horns they will stick in a child's ear. 
     They are not stable people.  Pete Olson included.  No, wait, that's not right.  Pete Olson especially.  By the way, didn't Pete Olson get "government run health care" when his ticker wound down?  Awww, Pete wouldn't be a hypocrite, now would he?

     My new BFF, Deborah, wrote a great reply to the flyer and even found out who is behind this "grassroots" uprising.  I've given it a page of its own so you can link to it or copy it to send it back to anyone who sends you the flyer.  Click right here. 

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April 1 - Okay, if you look real close to your computer screen you might can see me waving my arms all about.  That's because I'm trying to clean the smoke outta here.  My head just caught on fire.
     Okay, here's the deal.  We have just been told, in a freekin' footnote no less, that Fort Bend county’s retirement system had a liability of $25.6 million as of December of 2007, plus the Texas County and District Retirement System, in which Fort Bend County’s retirement contributions are invested, lost almost 29% of its asset value in 2008.
     In short, we're hip deep in sheep dip.
     And that ain't even all. 
     On top of that we have "more than $6 million in unpaid claims involving worker’s compensation, auto and "general" liability."
     Then you gotta add in the fact that our property values have tanked, and that silly Republican ponzi scheme of tax abatements to businesses is leaving us a tug boat load of money short in the tax department.
     But thankfully the brain trust on Commissioner Court has a solution:  spend $75 million for a Taj MaLaw courthouse that we do not need and most of the judges don't even want.  Plus, it's ugly, and arranged poorly, and takes multitudes of staff to run the place, and has goofy ideas throughout.  But on the plus side, it's gonna slide in the Brazos River come the next hurricane. 
     Oh Blessed Mother of Fence Gaps - we are on the wrong side of moving up. 
     So, our county employees may get shorted on their retirement and health care.  And we may not have enough money to pay our debts, but - dammit - we're gonna have us a powerfully ugly courthouse that costs a small fortune to run. 
     Would the Republican Majority in this county please get their hands out of my pockets? 

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April 1 - Y'all, look.  The queen carries her purse around - even at her own house!

     No, I'm serious.  Here they are at Buckingham Palace and the Queen has her purse around her arm.  I mean, what's she got in that purse - the keys to the magic hot rod or something?
     I gotta admit, and maybe this is just a Texas thing, but I don't know any women who carry their purse around the house. 
     But, then again, maybe that's why I'm not the Queen.

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April 1 - Thank you Clay Bennett ---

     Very old indeed.

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April 1 - Okay, at first I thought my friend Kathy was playing an April Fool's joke on me. 
     Sadly, she wasn't.
     Rush Limbaugh is threatening to move to Texas. 
     Well hell, he might as well.  It'd be hard for him to stand out from the crowd here.

Rush Limbaugh, in the midst of a tirade on Monday's radio show against New York Governor David Paterson's tax increases, denounced the state and announced that he was vacating it immediately.

 ---- more stuff that's not as important as this ---

"I'm going to look for an alternative studio somewhere outside New York, perhaps Texas -- another no-income-tax state -- "

     Ya know, maybe this is a good idea.  I think Rush should move right to Houston.  The last ultra-conservative crazy radio personality we had here is now doing hard time for exposing himself to little girls.  He needs a druggie cell mate.

     And by the way, Rush, if you think a state income tax is bad, what until you see how they roll over us with property taxes in Texas.  Property taxes give you a double hit: once when they raise the tax rate, and then again when they falsely over evaluate your property. 

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April 1 - We get email about our Lege from foreign states ---

My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.
I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old district.  It's crazy here.  No, seriously, it's triple z crazzzy.

I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when I got to know a few local Republicans.  They are meaner than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a bank robber. 

So, I decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog.  Blogs are way too trendy for me.  I've been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you ain't. 

Email me and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.